What does the fox do?


Identifying the warning signs of a cunning boyfriend

As the Ylvis song ponders over what the fox says, let’s take a look at what these foxes do. We’ve all dated a cunning fox at some point in our lives – the guys who like to have fun but don’t want to invest too much in the relationships they’re in. Here are seven warning signs:

1) When he offers no support: Has your boyfriend shied away or made excuses after you’ve lost a loved one? Has he offered no emotional support or never said the words ‘we’ll get through this together?’ That’s a fox right there. Although some people are not sure what to say during a difficult situation like dealing with death or a fatal illness, the ones who care will still be by your side, holding your hand if not whispering words of encouragement in your ear. When my uncle died, the guy I dated didn’t have anything nice to say except ‘he’s in a better place, babe. Now let me take your mind off it and kiss your neck.’ Really? He’s in a better place? Did he think his kisses OVER THE PHONE could make me forget the man who introduced me to a world of imagination, went on walks with and poured me my first drink? Never did he ask me if I wanted to talk about it or offered consolation of any sort.

2) When he’s being stingy: When you’re gushing with love, you want to do so much for that special person – knit a sock, buy their favourite candy and look for occassions to surprise them with things. Hell, you’d get them the moon if you could. When the only thing he’s ever bought you so far is a lame ass t-shirt that wasn’t even a good colour, truth is you could be dating a fox. The tee I got was black like his heart and red like the guts he had to give away the watch I got him for his birthday with money I'd saved up for months.

3) When he rarely visits: You want to see each other all the time when you’re in love and I don’t mean just on Skype. If you live in different cities and it is YOU who has to make the effort to visit him all the time, yup, he is a fox! I lived in a different city than the guy I dated and he only visited me once while I tried to make things work by going to him whenever I could and ended up nibbling on peanut butter and mayo sandwiches (gross!) because he rarely took me out to eat. I always returned a few pounds lighter after seeing him. Foxes lack class, they really do.

4) When he’s almost always untidy: You want to be your best for people you love, especially if you don’t see them everyday. Hair pulled back, beard trimmed and smelling nice. If he doesn’t invest time in looking good for you and looks like Russell Brand’s pubes most of the time, a fox is staring you in the face. Every time I visited, the guy I was with wore the same clothes he’d worn for a week, had cigarettes floating around in the toilet and his uncut nails were curling back into themselves out of shame. I’ve always liked my men clean the way he liked his women strong. Seriously ladies, you’re worth much more!

5) When he mentions his ex a lot: If you’ve moved on and love the person you’re with at the moment, you don’t ruin it by keeping in touch with your ex on Facebook and bitching back and forth. Worse still is when the ex has no clue you exist and is fascinated by the fact that he still feels strongly about her. Point and laugh at the fox you’re dating if this happens. The guy I dated was never over his ex-girlfriend even after she got married to someone else and had a baby. Pathetic!

6) When he lies about his family: If you love someone, you want the families to meet and hear stories about each others’ lives but if you’re with a fox, they’ll make sure you’re as far away as possible from their families. They are hesitant about introducing you to their siblings and cringe when someone from the family reveals stories from their life you’ve never heard of before. When he realizes that you are getting a little too attached, the fox lies about his parents getting a divorce and you wouldn’t want to burden him with talks about the future of your relationship at a time like that now, would you? The guy I dated had parents who as he put it were ‘on the verge of divorce’ but who quickly reconciled after we broke up. Some amazing shit this is!

7) When you don’t have photographs together: If you’re in a relationship, you are likely to have at least a couple of pictures of the both of you either safely tucked away in your wallets or on your desks at work but the fox couldn’t care less. They don’t really worry about pictures of you and him because he thinks they are a waste and besides, you’re not going to remain in his life forever. After nearly two years of dating a fox, I realized we didn’t have a single photograph together and he cleverly changed the subject when I pointed this out.