The Big Mistake Made By People Who Have An Aversion To Happiness

Some people believe they aren't wired for happiness. But why?

Woman with an aversion to happiness, treating it like a bubble MDV Edwards | Shutterstock, cheekylorns | Canva

We commonly assume every person desires happiness as if it is the universal currency of human existence. Isn't the ultimate goal of life to attain and sustain this elusive state? Yet, curiously, many of us shy away from opportunities that promise joy, sidelining the potential benefits like improved mental and physical health, better stress management, and stronger relationships. 

Why do some people hold back from embracing happiness, even though it seems such a universal aim?


Here's the big mistake made by people who have an aversion to happiness.

1. They believe the jinx theory

Consider those who regard happiness as a precarious perch from which one might easily fall. Some individuals believe that feeling happy might jinx their fortunes. This superstition compels them to temper their joy, avoiding full engagement with peak life moments. 

For instance, they may underplay significant achievements like a promotion or personal milestone, driven by a fear that too much happiness might invite disaster. This habit often stems from past experiences where a joyous occasion was quickly followed by disappointment, reinforcing the belief that happiness could somehow trigger negative outcomes.


She has an aversion to happiness Nicoleta Ionescu via Shutterstock

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2. They fear loss

Others treat happiness as a delicate bubble, beautiful but destined to burst. They perceive it as inherently fleeting and worry that getting too accustomed to it will only make its absence more unbearable. This leads them to guard against fully embracing joy to protect themselves from the potential pain of its loss. 


This fear can make people hesitant to form deep relationships or to invest themselves fully in activities they enjoy, always bracing for the possible heartache or disappointment that could follow. The paradox here is that by guarding themselves so vigilantly against loss, they almost certainly ensure they don't fully experience the joy they so carefully protect.

3. They think happiness equals irresponsibility

For some, a prevailing notion persists that pursuing happiness is a frivolous, even irresponsible act. They believe serious, mature adults should prioritize duty and hard work over personal joy. This mindset is often reinforced by workplace cultures that prize overwork and sacrifice or by familial pressures that dismiss pursuits of happiness as selfish or trivial. 

Followers of this belief may neglect their needs for enjoyment and relaxation, leading to burnout and a life that feels increasingly unfulfilling.


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4. They continue to follow family traditions

In some families, the expression of happiness is subtly discouraged, so modesty and restraint are valued over outward displays of joy. People from such backgrounds might feel that showing happiness attracts envy or tempts fate and leads them to suppress their emotional expressions.

5. They fall into the happiness avoidance trap

Avoiding happiness is a significant mistake because it prevents individuals from experiencing the full range of benefits positive emotions can provide. This avoidance can stifle personal growth, solidify negative emotional patterns, and ultimately lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy where the fear of potential negative outcomes increases their likelihood.


 Happiness has a crucial social component, and shunning it can lead to withdrawal from social activities and relationships, depriving a person of essential emotional support networks.

Making a big mistake by avoiding happiness Marcos Mesa Sam Wordley Via Shutterstock

Additionally, the chronic avoidance of happiness can lead to feelings of emptiness and a sense that life is unfulfilling. This can escalate into more serious mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety. Emotional health involves experiencing a full range of emotions, including happiness, and learning how to manage these experiences healthily. Embracing happiness, therefore, is not just beneficial but essential for a rich and fulfilling life.

As we navigate our daily lives, let us not forget that happiness, far from being a frivolous pursuit, is a vital component of our well-being. It enriches our experiences, deepens our understanding of life, and strengthens our connections with others. Don't shy away from it. Rather, lean into it, allowing it to transform our lives and our relationships in profound and lasting ways.

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Moving forward with happiness is possible

As a relationship expert, I encourage individuals to confront and understand their fears surrounding happiness. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking them. Developing resilience and openness to happiness improves personal well-being and strengthens relationships by fostering trust and joy among partners, family members, and friends. 

Embracing happiness is crucial, not just for personal fulfillment but also for maintaining healthy relationships. Avoiding happiness doesn't safeguard against future pain; it only diminishes the quality of life in the present. Let's not shy away from happiness but embrace it as a vital component of a full and vibrant life.


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Erika Jordan is an internationally acclaimed love and relationship expert, NLP practitioner, author, media personality, and a leader in the field of digital romance and online dating.