Don't Ride Infidelity's Roller Coaster Alone: Seek Help!

Love, Heartbreak

Trust is one of the encompassing foundation in a relationship.What happens when it gets broken?

If your partner cheated on you, would you ever be able to forgive them? Could things ever really be the same between the two of you again? I think that this is a tricky situation all the way around. There are the people who will be honest and outright tell you that they would never be able to forgive the person who cheated on them. Although,not all of these people will follow their own advice and walk away. Some will end up trying to work past an infidelity issue in an attempt to try to make the relationship work. There are the people who will tell you they could forgive an unfaithful partner. Some of them may be able to, but a lot of them will never be able to fully get past it. Somewhere in the back of their minds, the thoughts still linger.

When trust gets broken, it's harder than ever to get it back (if it ever comes back at all.) What's even worse is that if you decide to end the relationship and not take them back at all, it could still carry on into your next relationship. You may find yourself wondering if this new partner will be the same as the last one. You may have a really hard time trusting them based on the actions of someone else. I've even found myself in a situation where I thought that I could be carrying insecurities from a previous relationship into a new one and was ignoring the signs of a cheater until it was just too obvious. By then, I had wasted quite a bit of time on a pointless relationship.

If you are contemplating what to do with a cheating partner, you need to be careful. If you just let the problem slide with a promise that they will never do it again, you run the risk of becoming a doormat. They could be the type of person who continues to cheat because they got away with it the first time. This might not always be the case, but it is a possible scenario that you need to think about before making a decision. You also need to think about how you are going to feel towards that person in the future. Will this cause more resentments and stress than if you just walked away from it now? Is there a reason to keep the relationship going? If the person cheated on you already, what are the chances that they will do it again? If there's a chance that your partner might bring you back a disease, you may want to take extra precautions.

If you do decide to stay, you need to ask yourself some additional questions first.

  1. What is it going to take for you to be able to trust that person again? If you feel that you will need total and complete access into all of their social media sites, email, phone or computer, there might be too much trust lost to try to fix things. More often than not, the guilty party isn't going to want to go for this anyway. (This is just spoken from experience, both personal and observational.)
  2. Will you need to see a relationship/marriage counselor?
  3. How is the other person going to deal with talking to someone else about their infidelity?
  4. How will you handle things if they decide not to speak to the therapist?
  5. What will happen the next time you start questioning what your partner is doing?
  6. What will their reaction be when confronted and how will that affect you?

If you decide to walk away from the situation, there are a few things to think about as well:

  • What is it going to take for you not to walk into the next relationship with unnecessary baggage? Just because the last partner cheated on you doesn't mean that the next one will. A lot of people tend to jump into another relationship and always wait for the other person to fail. This type of behavior puts unneeded strain on the new relationship. After all, no one wants to live under scrutiny because of someone else's behavior.
  • You may also want to take some time to deal with your feelings of hurt and anger before jumping into another relationship right away. Although, I think it is best to take time in between relationships no matter what the circumstances; I beleieve in the cases of an unfaithful partner, it is especially important to deal with your thoughts and feelings first.

Every situation is different and the answer might not always be an easy or correct one. Although they are few and far between, I have seen couples who have managed to work through the infidelity issue. I can not say "Once a cheater, always a cheater" because I know that's not always the case. On the rare occasion, some people have realized what they could lose and make a change. My best advice would be to seek professional help and be prepared for all the possible outcomes if you're going to stay in the relationship.

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This article was contributed by Rose Leisure.