8 Behaviors That Instantly Show You're A Strong Couple Without Either Of You Saying A Word
These behaviors reveal a near-unshakable bond.
Kevin turcios | Unsplash One theme that runs through conversations with people who are dissatisfied in their relationships is shock at who their partner has become. The person they met and fell in love with has disappeared. Now, the one they fell in love with is a stranger. This happens for two primary reasons.
The first is that people often present themselves as someone other than their authentic selves at the beginning of relationships — chill, flexible, secure, and open. The other person falls in love with someone who hasn't presented themselves as authentic, and that causes problems.
The second reason is that human beings become complacent when they are secure. At the beginning of a relationship, we work hard to maintain it. As we become secure, we get lazy and don’t try so hard. Both of those situations will harm the relationship. But you have the power to change that and become less complacent. When a couple is truly in sync, people can feel your bond without either of you saying a thing, and here's exactly how to nurture that bond.
Here are eight behaviors that instantly show you're a strong couple without either of you saying a word:
1. You're genuinely nice to each other
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This one should seem obvious, but it isn’t. Many women stop being nice to their partners. Why? Well, it’s a vicious circle.
A woman becomes disconnected from her partner either because of neglect or frustrations. Then they stop being kind and start being disdainful and passive-aggressive.
This doesn’t improve anything, and the partner starts becoming more distant and inflexible, so they keep their head down, not wanting to be the receiver of their partner’s disdain.
Are you nice to your partner? Take a good look to see if you are nice, or not.
2. You give each other freedom
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Women are very good at doing this at the start of a relationship. But they seem to lose sight of its importance, especially if they have children.
Everyone needs the freedom to do what they enjoy, take time for themselves, and find happiness outside their relationship. Many women immerse themselves in the lives of their partners, often forsaking all else.
When their partner wants to do something outside of the relationship, they feel threatened and often clingy. They guilt their person into staying, and their person gets resentful. Do you give your partner freedom?
3. You both make the effort
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After my husband asked for a divorce, I made much more effort with my physical appearance. I hoped that if I looked better, he would take me back. When he commented about the change, I realized I had stopped doing this in the 20 years of my marriage. I had become complacent and didn’t try anymore.
I am not saying a woman always needs to make an effort with makeup or cute clothes. However, you do need to take care of yourself. You will be a happier person, and your partner will appreciate it.
Research has concluded that prioritizing self-care is a proactive approach to building and maintaining a healthy and strong couple relationship. It ensures both individuals are emotionally resilient, capable of healthy communication, and able to contribute to a balanced and fulfilling partnership.
4. You actually hear each other
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Many people aren’t very good at this anyway, and unfortunately, many women have particular trouble with it, especially when they are in a committed relationship.
Because they are trying to keep the peace, many people are willing to agree to whatever their partner wants, to forsake their needs to keep the other person happy. Unfortunately, this makes one person think they are in charge and know best, and listening to their partner when they talk about their wants and needs is unnecessary.
But it’s not. Everyone wants to be heard. So, when your partner has something to say, stop, listen, and hear them. Respect is appreciated.
5. You don't nag each other
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Again, this is another thing people are dissatisfied with in their relationships complain about — their partners nag and nag and nag.
Don’t get me wrong, I know many people aren’t great at doing the things we ask them to do, and when they repeatedly don’t, we tend to get testy and nag. We also know nagging never really works. It might bring temporary change, but that is it.
If you find you are nagging in your relationship, stop. Think about how you can bring about change without nagging, as you do at work with an employee who isn’t doing their job. Sit down, address the issue, make a change plan, and move on. Discussion is more effective than nagging to get things done and keep your relationship happy.
6. You're both flexible
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Women often think of themselves as bosses in a relationship, and because we are the boss, whatever we want goes. What we want, we get. Our partner's needs are less important.
As a result, our partners feel caged in. When we aren’t willing to be flexible with our time or our needs, our partner will only feel resentful and frustrated. They are adults and should have some say in how their lives work.
So, pay attention to your flexibility in your relationship. Is this something that is part of it? Relationships inevitably face transitions and challenges, and couples who can adapt together are better equipped to navigate these changes healthily. According to a 2024 study, flexibility encourages couples to approach decisions as a team, openly discussing options and working towards solutions that respect both individuals' viewpoints.
7. You're not holding on to the past
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Is this you? Can you recount every little wrong that happened in your relationship? Do you bring those things up whenever there is an argument? Does your partner have no idea what you are talking about most of the time?
A critical part of maintaining a happy relationship is letting go of the past. Knowing what happened is what happened, while harping on it over and over isn’t going to change what happened.
Couples must work to put an issue to bed and not shove it to the side, thinking they will work on it later. If a couple can do that, there will be no need to talk about ancient history because, hopefully, those things are no longer an issue!
9. You prioritize each other, no matter how hectic life gets
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Work. Kids. Friends. Exercise. Sleep. Extended family. All of these things are part of our everyday lives. And often, one (or more) of them has to give. Unfortunately, the thing that usually gives the most is our relationship.
Why? Because we have become complacent and assume it is strong enough to be put to the side. This is why people have affairs and get divorced. Because being put to the side is a recipe for disaster.
A new client told me he and his wife never spend time together. There is just too much going on. When I encouraged him to do so, he pushed back hard. There was just no time.
We all know we make time for what is a priority. If keeping your relationship healthy is important, you will do it. It can just be small things.
Date night, movies together, taking a walk, listening to what your partner needs, giving them the freedom to do what they want. Anything that will make you feel connected and prioritized. You know I am right here. So, do it! If you want to fix your relationship, and these things ring true, it’s time to change.
Strong couples support each other's individual goals and endeavors, even when life gets hectic. This could involve taking turns with childcare, sharing responsibilities around the house, or offering emotional support during demanding periods at work. Research indicates that social support can buffer against the effects of stress and improve overall well-being.
Remember, only you can change your behaviors — you can’t change someone else. If you want to see a shift in your relationship, you are the one who will make it happen. I am not saying only you can fix it, but you can take responsibility for your role in what is going on, and by doing so, you are setting yourself up for success.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
