7 Blunt Insights From Women That Men Love Being In Relationships With
Some of the most important relationship lessons are never actually taught.
LOOK | Canva I don’t know about you, but I didn’t receive any truly helpful relationship advice from anyone before I really needed it. I wanted to be the type of woman guys liked dating, but my instinct was to cling and obsess. Fortunately, I did eventually learn how to do that.
The extent of the relationship advice I received as a young person was to, “never sit on a boy’s lap without a telephone book between you.” Embarrassing, but completely true. I had no idea what that meant when I was in high school. I can laugh about it now, but what I needed more.
It took years of experience to learn about what to expect in a relationship, and the people I learned it from were the women whom all the guys seemed to love to date. They knew how to attract a guy by maintaining their own boundaries while still being fun and interested.
Here are seven blunt lessons from the women men love to be in relationships with
1. Do not act obsessed. Ever.
Never put on an act for a man in hopes of impressing him. Be your normal (hopefully) sane and mature self (and notice I didn’t say boring).
Don't text more than once before he replies. Don't wait around for his call or text, and God forbid, never show up where he is hoping he'll notice you. Live your life, girl.
2. Stop worrying about what he’s thinking
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Listen, I know the relationship is new, but you’ll learn more about what he’s thinking by observation and through real, light-hearted, and serious conversations. Don’t obsess about what’s on his mind, and for goodness' sake, don’t persist in asking him.
It’s been my experience that men don't enjoy repeated questions about what they are thinking.
Instead, engage him in a dialogue about whatever you want to know more about. Resist the urge to interrupt the silence with this mood-altering question, “What are you thinking about?"
Instead, try, "What's going on in your life, lately?" Again, be normal.
3. Don't force him to make a commitment
Are you tired of waiting for him to make that forever commitment? If so, do whatever it takes to stop yourself from making emotional demands. Instead, focus on your own life by engaging with friends and activities that don’t always include him.
Show him your confident independence and be honest about your future goals. If you want more than he does, let him know. If he's not down for it, let him go and move on.
Notice I didn't say "threaten to let him go and move on." I said to actually let him go and move on. He's not right for you and it's not cute to make ultimatums.
4. Don't forget your own needs and desires
Remember, you are in a relationship. It’s not all about him, his needs, and wants. It’s about you, too!
So often, women get caught up in becoming what they think their partner wants and then push their desires so far off the radar, the relationship quickly becomes one-sided. Never give up your friends, family, interests, emotional needs, or values for the sake of a relationship.
Hate to be repetitive, but, as I said before, live your life, girl.
5. Never tolerate disrespectful behavior
You might be thinking this doesn’t apply to you, and I hope it doesn’t. But, sadly, I’ve witnessed smart, together women make excuses for their partner’s disrespectful behavior.
In my experience, when you let a man get away with behaving badly, he assumes his actions are alright with you. I know it can be challenging to confront unwanted behavior, but I assure you it will be worth it in the long term.
Set healthy boundaries right away in your love relationship. If he's not on board, he's not worth your time. Exit and don't look back.
6. Give him a chance to explain himself
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You are getting to know him, but you most likely do not know him well enough to jump to conclusions about why he said or did something. Ask him.
You can say, “Hey, I noticed you didn't introduce me to your friend at the party last night. I was wondering what’s up with that?” Maybe he didn’t remember the person’s name, perhaps his manners are lacking, or something else is going on. Who knows, unless you ask him?
If he says he forgot, believe him and drop it. If you can't drop it, either break up with him (because you don't trust him) or talk to a therapist about it (because you don't trust yourself to be worthy).
7. Work hard to make your relationship last
Although you won't give up friends, especially girlfriends or activities you enjoy, you're committed to spending quality time with him and on your relationship, which is now a new priority. There is less time for other things — just be sure to create a balance that suits both of you.
Relationships take work. Show up, be present, listen and reciprocate. Be kind and direct. Apologize when you're wrong and forgive when he apologizes to you. That's the work — not sacrificing your well-being or your identity or your dignity to get a guy to like you. It just doesn't end well.
Gayla Wick is a transformational love coach, speaker, and author of The Art of Attracting Authentic Love.
