11 Harsh Signs You're Headed Toward A Divorce Before You Even Get Married
Marriage will never solve any underlying relationship problems.
NDAB Creativity | Shutterstock If you've ever known two people who were really bad for each other, you understand that it's often very possible to see divorce happening before a couple even reaches the altar. The signs are usually there, but one or both partners can't see the reality of the situation from the outside. And sometimes, you may even find yourself in the same predicament.
Whether we like to admit it or not, the possibility of divorce is very real, and it's often more predictable than we would like to think. The harsh signs you're headed toward a divorce before you even get married may not be something you want to address, but you'll be saving yourself lots of heartache down the road.
Here are 11 harsh signs you're headed toward a divorce before you even get married
1. You don't feel happy or content in the relationship
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Relationships go through ups and downs, but in your relationship, nothing ever seems to get better. You're consistently unhappy with your partner and may even feel lonely. You may also feel like you're in a one-sided relationship, where your partner doesn't give you as much as you give them.
If you feel unhappy but are staying in the relationship because "this is just the way things are," walking down the aisle won't solve anything. Being unhappy for the long-term almost always leads to the unhappy partner leaving, even if it takes years to happen. And that's no way to treat yourself.
2. One or both of you cheat
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There are so many things that are unhealthy about a relationship with regular infidelity. Unfortunately, people who are chronic cheaters tend to be incredibly manipulative. According to psychotherapist Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, "Gaslighters and narcissists are chronic cheaters. It doesn't matter how "good" of a partner you are, or how much of your life you've devoted to them... they will still cheat."
But you, your partner, or both of you cheat constantly, it's often a symptom of worse issues, and those issues will come to a head in a messy, ugly breakup. It's better to spare yourself the heartbreak of getting married only to divorce your partner for this underlying problem.
3. You get a sickening feeling in your stomach when you think about marrying them
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While pre-wedding jitters are normal for every bride and groom, getting a feeling like this when you think about walking down the aisle is certainly not a good sign. In fact, it might be one of the most glaringly harsh signs you're headed toward a divorce before you even get married.
If you feel like you're making a huge mistake, you need to listen to your instinct. Don't just go through with a wedding because you've spent a lot of money or because your friends and family expect you to do it. This can be something that can save your life and prevent heartbreak.
4. You're only marrying them for money
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Whether it's because of their money or the fact that you just want to get married, this isn't a relationship that can last. Basing a marriage on someone's financial status is not only unhealthy, but a majority of the marriages that are done for ulterior motives just don't work out.
As experts from BetterHelp put it, "While it may be beneficial to consider a person's financial status when deciding whether to pursue marriage with them, remember that marital satisfaction is multifaceted and that there are many problems that can’t be solved with money. If you don't love or respect your spouse, you may feel unhappy and unfulfilled despite having a financially stable life."
5. They cheated on their ex with you
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One of the incredibly harsh signs you're headed toward a divorce before you even get married is if your partner cheated on their ex with you. Unfortunately, only a very small fragment of couples who started from infidelity actually work out long-term. After all, what's stopping your partner from continuing the same pattern with someone else?
According to psychiatrist and author Dr. Frank Pittman in his book "Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy," there are nine defects that indicate a marriage won't survive if it began as an affair. In fact, as marriage and family author Elizabeth Landers explained, a marriage that begins as an affair will likely end within two years.
6. Loved ones have begged you to end the relationship
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Generally speaking, if people are actually going out of their way to talk you out of marrying a person, that's a very bad sign. It may mean that you're in a toxic relationship or that there's something else you should know before you tie the knot. People who have had people tell them to break up often regret not listening to them earlier, prior to a divorce.
In an instance like this, it may be annoying to hear criticism of your relationship, but remember that these people love you and want what's best for you. And often, they can tell something is wrong before you can.
7. They go out of their way to disrespect you
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Respect is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship, and without it that bond can crumble. As licensed marriage and family therapist Saba Harouni Lurie explained, "In a relationship, mutual respect looks like speaking to one another in a respectful and considerate fashion, keeping your partner in mind when you're making decisions, and responding to your partners needs and wants. That doesn’t mean necessarily sacrificing yourself in order to make or keep your partner happy, but it means communicating with love, even when it’s difficult."
Unfortunately, a lack of respect is one of the harsh signs you're headed toward a divorce before you even get married. Perhaps they weaponize affection, ignore you and your needs, or take you for granted any change they can — whatever it is, it's a warning sign to not take that next step.
8. You're settling because you don't think anyone else would want you
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Everyone settles on certain things; after all, no one is perfect. Even outside of romantic relationships, people might settle for jobs they hate or mediocre circumstances they don't deserve. However, if you're settling on a slew of different issues just so you won't be alone, the chances of you two staying together for decades are slim.
Settling before you get married won't solve any of the problems in the relationship. Instead, those problems will likely continue and even get worse. Don't sell yourself short — once you stop settling for less than you deserve, you open yourself up to more opportunities, including in your love life.
9. You're marrying out of peer pressure
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When couples get married, it's because they want to spend their lives together and maybe even throw the most expensive party of their lives. But when family or friends are pressuring couples to get married, it's very stressful.
Associate professor Elyakim Kislev, PhD added, "In some cases, individuals may feel pressure to get married from their family, friends, or society at large. If they are not ready for marriage or do not want to get married, this pressure can be stressful and difficult to deal with."
If people are pressuring you to marry a person you don't want to be with, it's one of the very harsh signs you're headed toward a divorce before you even get married. Real friends and family don't do that to people they care about, and the people who do this often have other reasons they want to see you get hitched.
10. You feel relief when they aren't around
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When you're in a healthy relationship, you should want to be around your partner. You miss them when they're away and genuinely enjoy spending time together. But if you feel a sense of relief when they're out of the house or traveling for work, this is a sign that you should probably leave them.
Staying in this relationship just isn't a good idea at this point, and sticking near them all the time probably isn't a good way to ensure that you'll be happy. Instead, you may want to think about ending the relationship and being with someone you actually like.
11. You're dragging them to the altar, kicking and screaming
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A wedding should happen because both people want it, and if one partner is hesitant to actually get married, it's really not a good indicator of a lasting relationship. If you literally have to force your partner to marry you, they will divorce you later on down the road, and they'll resent you as well.
Rather than staying in the relationship for the sake of having a companion, have some dignity and end things. You don't want to spend a lot of money on a wedding only to find yourself single and divorced after just a few months or years. The best thing you can do for yourself is move on.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
