Playing Hard To Get A Bad Idea?

Love, Self

Playing hard to get is not a long-term solution to attracting quality men. Plus, it's too tiring!

Do you think that playing hard to get will create the kind of romantic tension with your man that will make him crazy about you?

Well, it probably will work– with most men and for a short while. The problem is that it won’t work in the long run with mature men who know that quality women are REAL people.

When you act like you are busier than you are and more ‘chipper’ than usual, your truth will eventually come out. Then, when it does, you will be stuck with a man who liked you when you were playing games with him: an immature man who goes for women who aren’t real people with real issues. In order to keep him around, you will have to continue your charade.

What if you could play YOU all the time and never have to play a game with a man? What if you had an air about you that made you hopelessly attractive, even when telling men you have no pre-made plans for the entire week and that you've been feeling rather “down” lately?

Here are 3 words to keep in mind when you want to date a man without playing a card that goes against who you are and what you are all about:


Once I dated a guy who was average-looking, had a really dirty home and didn’t make hardly any money. I was totally hooked on this man. Why? He made absolutely no apologies for who he was– he ‘owned’ every one of his flaws, effortlessly. His lack of insecurities made him funny, kind, attentive… He had the sexiest walk and was a fabulous lover. He could enter a strange room and make friends in a heartbeat. I actually dumped him because he had too many women on his speed dial.

I asked him how he had so much confidence and he laughed; “Why? Because I’m not a George Clooney? I’m me and I don’t make enough dough to get doctors to turn me into a Clooney, so I don’t worry about it. I love women and I love laughter and I’m not going to put that on the back burner because I don’t fill out a wife beater like a wife beater!”

When you can say to yourself, “Look, I’m not the perfect person. I’d rather stay home on a Friday night and I’m a bit sensitive and distrusting, which are areas of myself that I am working on, but I know that I’m also a loving, funny and caring person and any guy worth while would see that”, you will begin to OWN your faults and strengths.

Ownership of the areas of yourself you think are flawed is SELF-ACCEPTANCE and there is nothing more attractive than self-acceptance because it equals confidence!


When you own up to who you are, you begin to feel more comfortable speaking the truth about how someone or something makes you feel. I used to have such a hard time telling men that certain things they did were upsetting to me. I didn’t want to sound like a clingy girlfriend by getting pissed when a guy waited 3 days after a date to call, or when a man hadn’t said “I love you” after six months of dating.

These needs were important to me and just because I didn’t want to feel bothered by them, I still was. I’d start to wall myself off to these men and ended up having a disharmonious vibe around men where my feelings didn’t match my outside persona. Men can pick up on this vibe fast and it’s not attractive.

So, what do you do? You tell the truth– always. You just say, “I feel upset that you waited three days to call me. It’s something that bothers me because it make me feel insecure and I don’t want to feel insecure.”

And then you don’t say another word. You don’t blame him, you don’t apologize for your feelings, you don’t ask for reassurance, you just speak the truth and OWN your feelings.

Men will be impressed and won’t know exactly how to react. And if your man doesn’t fix the issue by apologizing and inquiring about what he can do to make better on his wounding, DON’T get further upset. Just tell him you wanted to be honest and weren't illiciting a response. After speaking your feelings over a longer period of time, you will see whether this man is interested in hearing your needs or not.


I think a lot more women would stop trying to be Perfect Patty with men if they knew their dates' thoughts and feelings. Men are human and that makes them sensitive, flawed, insecure and needy too! In fact, the biggest players out there are very AFRAID of women and closeness.

When you can stop for a moment and step back from your critical and scared inner voices and think about a man’s own issues with himself, you will be more likely to warm up to him.

I always tell women to look at men like they are little boys. When you are on a date, look at the grown man in front of you and imagine what he was like as a boy. Do you think he was shy? A bully? The dorky kid whose mom always packed him the smelly lunch?

When you can stop idolizing a man and start seeing his human imperfections, you will let your guard down more and will have less of a problem showing him that you do care about him and aren’t playing hard to get.

There’s a big difference between playing hard to get and being a woman who is honest about her needs in a relationship.

You should be easy to get but easy to lose, too! Allow every man to start with an A and let them earn their F, instead of the other way around. Let him see that you think he is nice, funny, and sexy. Let him know that he is someone that could really matter to you and then when he acts up, tell him exactly how his behavior makes you feel without blaming him.

If he doesn’t shape up, then you think about being hard to get… permanently! 

Want to learn some secrets to effortlessly becoming the woman that men are hooked on loving for life? Check out my newest e-book for women, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You. I have come up with 27 enchantress secrets to help you magnetize men in your sleep.

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