People With These 5 Personality Traits Set Clear Boundaries In Relationships

Photo: Unsplash: Suzana Sousa
5 Personality Traits Of Men & Women Who Are Successful At Setting Personal Boundaries In Relationships

No matter how compatible you and your partner's personality traits are, setting personal boundaries in relationships is actually what allows couples to grow even closer together.

To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it’s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it. 

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors and they are essential and appropriate for every relationship, whether it be new and exciting or more settled and safe.

RELATED: 5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries That Actually Draw Men Closer To You

While it’s important for couples to decide what works for themselves, people with these five personality traits are the most successful at setting appropriate, healthy boundaries in relationships.

1. Egalitarian

In many relationships, there comes a certain point when one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, the relationship will eventually become uneven. And when things are uneven, a relationship changes.

So, make an effort to keep the decision-making even and equal in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life, then do that. But, give him the opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances, let him do that. But, continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your relationship become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told.

Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you? Not so much.

2. Respectful

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is the lack of respect and the rise of contempt.

The saying "familiarity breeds contempt" is accurate and can happen in many committed relationships. You might roll your eyes when your partner says something, criticize his clothing or even belittle her expressions.

Does any of that sound familiar to you? Are you guilty of doing this at times? DON'T. Contempt will kill a relationship faster than almost anything else.

In every relationship, it's important you respect each other within the confines of your relationship. Speak to each other honestly and share your feeling and needs in an open way. Do not attack each other personally, and do not criticize each other’s behaviors and actions.

And don't criticize your partner out in the world either. The general rule of thumb is this: Do not talk about your issues with your partner to someone else, especially if you haven't discussed those same issues with your partner yet. 

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn't do our relationship any good because we weren't communicating and we weren't giving our relationship a chance to improve. 

When we were together, I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him. Thus, I am no longer married.

So, make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

RELATED: 3 Key Steps To Healthy Boundaries — And Healthy Relationships

3. Authentic

Many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves. Instead, they take on their partner’s friendships, hobbies, and ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all you stay as you are when in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth, and if you are anything other than your true self, your relationship will never be truly healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself by being yourself. Continuing to have your own friends, doing your own hobbies, having a career you love, and living a healthy lifestyle that serves you, will help you wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself, your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self. He'll see you as someone who is ambitious, smart, and willing to take risks to get what you want.

So, be yourself in your relationship because a healthy relationship requires it.

4. Independent

When couples fall in love, they want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from, even for a short while.

However, it is important that you spend time apart from the one you love. You know the old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? It’s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. You can’t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream!

It’s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in their absence. Your heart can grow fonder, as a result. 

So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

5. Flexible

While having clear boundaries in your relationship is a good thing, maintaining a degree of flexibility is also critical. The phrase, "My way or the highway" has no place in any healthy relationship.

For example, a woman I work with recently house for herself, and her boyfriend moved in with her. Right away, they had issues because it was her house and so she wanted to do things her way — and that just wasn't okay with him.

Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

Examining healthy relationship boundaries is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Relationships are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don’t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart, and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love, beauty, and self-confidence — one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your relationship to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

RELATED: 7 Signs You Have Unhealthy Boundaries (That Will Kill Even The Best Relationships)

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Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate whose writing has been published in The Huffington Post, Prevention Magazine, and The Good Men Project, among others, and who works exclusively with women to help them to be all they want to be in this crazy world in which we live. Let her help you live the life of your dreams by contacting her now via email to get started!

This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.