How To Turn Your Spouse Into Your Soulmate (Even If You Think You Married The Wrong Person)

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what to do if you think you married the wrong person

A deeper love is possible.

Marriage can be very difficult at times. There are stages or seasons that every relationship goes through. Some of those seasons require more work on your part than others when it comes to having and maintaining a really good marriage relationship. There are times when even the gravity of life itself pulls you and your spouse apart.

You may be in a relationship where once you felt close but are now feeling that you are drifting apart. You may even find it hard to remember when it was good and when you were close.

You may find yourself wondering if you made a wrong choice when it comes to the person you married.

RELATED: 8 Things You Can Do Now That Help Make Sure You'll Grow Old Together

You might believe that there is someone else out there who is really your soulmate, and you just chose the wrong person. This belief may cause you to think that you have no option other than to divorce your spouse and find your true soulmate.

But you need to acknowledge the fact that there is not some elusive person out there who is the “right one” — your soulmate.

You need to understand that there are more than likely dozens of individuals out there with whom you could have a good and fulfilling relationship — including the person you chose to marry and are married to right now!

Don’t get me wrong: There are some really bad people out there who are definitely not the right choice for you — people who are abusive and controlling, etc. If you are in a relationship like that, then you have some difficult choices to make about the future of that relationship.

However, if your relationship is not abusive, you may be wondering if it's possible to turn your marriage around or if it's too late. The good news is it's not too late, but you have to be willing to do the hard work to turn it around.

Here are some next steps you can take to begin the process of having a happier marriage and being able to view your spouse as your soulmate:

Take some time to sit down and write out your answers to the following questions. Before you start, know that it will most likely take more than one writing session. Ask your spouse to do the same and then compare notes.

1. Identify the "who." 

Who is going to take charge of initially addressing this in your relationship? Things will only change if one or both of you begin to work on and address change. Sometimes you may get stubborn and think that the other person is the one who needs to make changes, and why should you have to do any of that?

But the bottom line is that you can only change YOU; so if you know there is a problem, then you need to begin to look at what you are doing that might be contributing to the problem between the two of you. Possibly you both need to remember that you each brought things into your marriage that have contributed to the good things that have happened and have contributed to the bad things that have been a part of your relationship.

RELATED: 7 Signs The Person You Love Is Your Actual Soulmate

2. Assess the "why."

Why would it be worth turning this relationship around? What is at stake that makes it worth working on and saving your marriage? What is there to gain if you pull this off that will make it worthwhile for both of you?

Make a list of your answers to these questions and paint the picture of what it would look like to you. Some factors that might be included in your list are: how much time you have spent together, your history of experiences together, children, finances, goals, extended family relationships, mutual friends and other things that you both value.

3. List the "what."

What is missing for each of you? What do you want? What do you expect that is not happening? What was there before that is missing now?

What did you do that made it work and what was your spouse doing that made it work, but neither of you is doing now? Why did things change? What do you want for your relationship and how do you get it back or get it started?

4. Strategize the "how."

How will you get started making your relationship new? The old one obviously was not working so you need to do something different with your spouse, (because the marriage has been rocky, neither of you has an excuse to find a different “partner”).

It is essential for you to begin doing things differently if you want things to change in your marriage and you want your spouse to be that person you can always count on and go through life with.

5. Choose the "when."

When will one or both of you actually begin to work on changing things? The time is NOW! Why waste more time being unhappy and unfulfilled in your marriage. The time for change is now.

Don’t wait until you feel like it or think you will have the time to concentrate on it. If you approach it that way, chances are your marriage will stay as bad as it is or get worse or possibly end. It will take some time, but it is worth the time and the effort involved.

RELATED: If He's Really Your Soulmate, Your Relationship Will Have These 10 Things

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If you are struggling with your marriage relationship and believe that you and your spouse are not soul mates, there is still hope for you. Work through the steps above. Go to our website and download the instructive worksheet to help you follow the process. If you are still having difficulty making change happen, please contact David and Debbie. We can help you figure out how to have the relationship you desire.