4 Reasons He Just Doesn't Want To Commit (And How To Deal)

girl with painted face
Love, Heartbreak

Can you see the signs?

There's so much potential in him. You see a future, a whole life laid out in front of you. You think he likes you, genuinely likes you, but he refuses to commit.

It hurts. It's the thing that hurts most in the world. But guess what? It does NOT mean the relationship is over. There are reasons behind what he's doing and you should know them.

Once you know them, that's when the healing and steps forward (or backward) can begin. Here are four reasons he doesn't want to commit:

1. He's afraid you have a hidden agenda.
If he doesn't want to commit, he might think you're just using him to complete your own lack of self esteem. He feels like he’s just auditioning for a role in your life—that you don’t really care so much about him, and you care more about just filling the role to meet your own hidden validation agenda.

What is infinitely more attractive is when you are actually interested in him as a person and you’re not trying to prop yourself up emotionally. He want to know you're not using him to prove to yourself, your parents, or all of your exes that you are “good enough.”

2. He doesn't think you "get" him.
I don’t mean that you can’t decipher the “hidden language of men” or anything like that. I simply mean that you aren’t taking the time to really understand what it’s like to BE him.

A lot of women focus too much on men as a “prize” or something to “get” that they completely lose track of the fact that, more than any of that, men are ALSO human beings. They aren’t alien creatures you have to understand. He’s probably afraid, scared, anxious, worried, etc. from time to time just like you are. And he just wants to find happiness and avoid pain, just like you do.

When you can connect to him from that point, he’ll feel totally seen and understood by you, and he’ll be more likely to commit.

3. He doesn't know where you stand.
This happens when women are too compliant or agreeable with the man in their lives. They just nod and say, “Yes”, or they just go with the flow. However, this isn’t really very attractive. If a man just wanted someone to agree with everything he said, he would just get a talking parrot.

Men want a woman who has her own feelings, thoughts, and opinions. This requires more vulnerability than a lot of women feel comfortable giving. But if you want to stand out from all the other women out there, you should consider doing this.

4. He's emotionally unavailable.
Unlike the other things discussed in this article, there really isn’t anything you can “do” to make an emotionally unavailable man commit to you. He just doesn't have the capacity to do it. To put it bluntly, it’s not about you. It’s 100% about him. In these sorts of situations, it’s best to cut your losses and just walk away.

It’s your job to make sure you’re bringing the best of yourself to your interactions and dates with men, like we talked about in the first three points. If that isn’t enough to make him want to commit, then it’s time to move on and find a new guy.