4 Things You Can Do (Right Now!) To Create Lasting Love In Your Relationship

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Love

Make your relationship strong and durable.

When you first meet someone, it feels easy to love them. Everything is new and wonderful, you’re happy, and it all feels bubbly and effervescent. But everyone knows that the first stages of falling in love with someone are often guided by hormones that make you a little loopy to begin with anyway!

So when you’re moving past the “new romance” stage into a long-term relationship, things can get a little bumpy. In fact, many couples end up failing within the first two years of a relationship after their "infatuation" stage is over, so this goes to show you that moving into the long-term can be a difficult time for relationships! You'll need all the help you can get to make yours as lasting as possible. But trying to get what you need from your relationship and trying to meet your partner or spouse’s needs can be intimidating and feel exhausting.

How can you accomplish it?


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Love needs to be nurtured and cared for. It needs to be treated delicately sometimes and never neglected. You and your partner are going to have to work together to make this relationship the best that it can be, for as long as you can if you want it to last. And while this can seem intimidating, there’s no need to worry.

We asked several YourTango experts what advice they’d give for building a lasting relationship, and these are their answers!

Here are 4 ways you can build lasting love and make your relationship last:

1. Always be accepting of one another.

"Create an environment of honesty and radical acceptance. Both of you — and your unique love for each other — will grow and flourish in an atmosphere where curiosity about differences, rather than a competitive mindset, is practiced.

Building deep trust builds real partnership. Offer permission to make missteps without critical judgment so that important corrections can be made, and your individual and combined potentials are realized. Decide to use your values to set the limits in your relationship rather than unexamined critical voices of your childhood, and you will have designed a safe haven where your full self can be shared fearlessly, with faith that love will hold you," advises mediator and divorce coach, Ann Cerney.

Next time you feel the urge to give your spouse an angry “I told you so,” reconsider. You need to know that you can both love and trust each other, and rubbing mistakes in someone’s face is bound to hurt them, not help them. Instead, allow them to talk to you without judging them, and then help them find a way to correct the situation. When you’re both building each other up and helping one another, no one is going to fail!

Ann Cerney is a LCPC, Mediator and Divorce Coach at Cerneydivorcecoach.com. Her advice on divorce without courts can be seen on ChicagoNow.com, Marriage.com, and Cerneydivorcecoach.com. She is the Director at Cerney Divorce in Chicago. Contact Ann today at ann@cerneydivorcecoach.com.

2. Learn how to press "pause" on your temper.

“When your partner pushes your buttons, accuses you of something or says something incendiary, take a deep breath, stay centered, don’t react and above all, don't bicker. Going into defense mode and arguing is a losing strategy. Give your partner empathy, tell him or her that you really hear what they are saying and thank them for sharing. A peaceful, loving relationship is a lasting one," says matchmaker Marla Martenson.

Let go of little things, and try not to sweat the small stuff.

It’s easy to fall into a ridiculous argument and forget that you are supposed to be working with and loving the person you’re fussing at in the heat of the moment! And always ask yourself, “Is this worth it?” before you start an argument over something inconsequential.

Marla Martenson is a matchmaker, author, Reiki practitioner and radio show host. She helps people connect with their soulmate through self-love and healing. To discover how to truly love yourself and the real secret to finding love, join Marla’s private Facebook group, Love Yourself, Love Your Live and grab your free self-love guided meditation here.

3. Give your partner the attention they need.

“Make your partner primary: When we are infants we attach to one primary person expecting them to love and care for us. Later in life we transfer these needs to a primary adult love relationship. Creating deep and lasting love involves us giving our primary adult love relationship the primary place of importance in our lives," explains psychologist Michael W. Regier.

Make sure that your relationship is at the top of your “to-do” list. Weigh your decisions against what’s healthy and unhealthy for it. Make sure to include your partner in decisions and to try and work cohesively as a unit. If you’re both looking out for one another’s needs and wants, then neither of you will be without!

Michael W. Regier is a clinical psychologist and certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist in Central California. He and his wife Paula are authors of the book Emotional Connection: The Story and Science of Preventing Conflict and Creating Lifetime Love where you can learn more about creating lasting love in your relationship.

4. Always work toward better communication.

“One of the most important aspects of creating a lasting relationship is to communicate effectively and compassionately. One of the biggest issues in communication is that couples don't hear each other out. Here is a technique I use to teach my clients that can not only allow them to hear effectively but also respond compassionately:

When we listening to our partner tell us how they experienced something, our instinct is to start visualizing our own version of the story as he/she is telling theirs. In order to truly understand and compassionately respond to what you are hearing, get out of your perception (your movie) and try to visualize your partner’s (play their movie as they are telling it).

During the listening process if you find that you have accidentally started playing your movie again, ask your partner to start over so you can try to see their side from their eyes. This technique will always give you the ability to respond with humanity and kindness even if you are upset," says marriage counselor Sanya Bari.

If you’ve ever felt unheard or misunderstood, then you know well enough that it’s not a good place to be. If you are working toward listening to and understanding your partner, then you’ll feel a lot more peace and understanding between the two of you. They will feel the love and concern you have for them, and won’t feel as though you’re brushing them off or denying their feelings. It’s great to know that there’s someone you love and trust and can talk to about anything because they won’t judge you for it!

Sanya Bari, MEd, LPC, NCC, CTS is a Relationship Specialist who is passionate about guiding her clients into deeper healing that goes beyond simple behavioral changes. She has coined a 'Deep Healing Protocol' that is able to move people from severe relationship trauma to deep healing and empowerment in a relatively short amount of time. Click here to schedule a free 30 minute consultation.


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For more advice from incredible people in helping professions, look to our Experts. They are here to help!

Merethe Najjar is a professional writer, editor, and fiction author living in Atlanta, GA with her husband and their rescue cat. She graduated with a degree in creative writing and recently had her first sci-fi romance novel Mercury in Retrograde published. You can also find her on her website, MeretheWalther.com, or follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

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