How To Learn To Love Yourself In 4 Simple Steps (Because It's NOT Always Easy)

Love, Self

Stop casting yourself as the villain in your own life story.

Let's talk about what may be the hardest thing for us to do, as women: loving ourselves.

Too often, we see ourselves as the villain in our own life stories  if we even think about ourselves at all.

We try to hide who we are and put on the mask we think the world wants to see.


We spend so much time trying to please people, that we go out into the world with no idea of who we are, let alone how love ourselves.

Because this problem is so prevalent, Senior VP of YourTango Experts, Melanie Gorman, asked a group of Experts about this in our latest Expert video, which you can watch above.

Our big-name Experts — including authors John Gray of Mars and Venus fame, author Ellyn Roberts Bell, self-love mystic and mentor Pernilla Lillarose, and relationships coach Barb Boschetto — all agree that it is crucial to find and know yourself in order to succeed at life.

Of course, knowing you need to love yourself is easy. Knowing how to love yourself is a different story altogether.

So with our Experts' wisdom, we've developed a concrete 4-step plan to make the self-love process a little easier.

Try these:

1. Pause and take a deep breath.


Stop what you're doing for a moment. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Very often we go out into the world to try and find who we are. When the truth is, that knowledge has been within us all along.

If we take a moment and really look inside of ourselves, we'll find everything we're looking for.

We just need to allow ourselves to be instead of always keeping busy.

2.  Be honest with who you really are.


What are your traits — the good and bad? What do you like, what do you dislike?

Write a list and add to it a little at a time, if it helps.

It won't be easy and it requires real honesty.

But the most important thing is to know yourself — really know yourself. You can't love yourself if you don't know who you are.

3. Face your demons.


Most of us bury any negative emotions like depression or guilt or shame.

And while it might seem helpful to not allow yourself to experience those emotions, it can lead you to addiction, poor self-esteem or unhealthy habits like shopping to feel good about yourself (to name a few).

Instead, allow yourself to feel those emotions. Working through them with the help of friends, family, or a professional can help you stop fearing that darker part of yourself.

Everyone has some darkness inside.

It's allowing it to stay dark without working on finding the light switch that makes it a problem.

4. Stop hiding who you are and embrace yourself.


Everyone has good and bad in them.

Pretending to be someone you're not won't get you the things you want. But the amazing person you truly are? Well, she can fight for what she deserves — and win!

So be her, a.k.a. you. Because she is wonderful, attractive, sexy and badass, and you deserve the love of someone amazing like that.

No one ever said that kind of love couldn't be from yourself!

You. Are. Awesome. You just have to believe it for yourself.

If you need help finding or maintaining your true feminine balance, or if you're looking for support in finding happiness or solving relationships problems, please visit the websites of our Experts and contact EllynPernillaBarb, or John directly. They’re here to help.