Is Monogamy Really Realistic, Or Are We Meant To Stray After All?


Monogomy is an intriguing topic that everyone has probably thought about at least once in their life. Are humans really meant to be in monogamous relationships? 

In biblical times, it was readily accepted and expected that a man have multiple wives, mistresses and harems. In fact, many cultures around the world, even in modern times, don't adhere socially or legally to the concept of a man being married to only one woman. 

Is non-monogamy more natural? Is the act of being with multiple partners — or even cheating — a normal part of human nature?

Most men, when asked if they would like the idea of multiple wives, have a knee-jerk reply of, "Heck Yeah!"


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More sex with different partners tickles that primal need to procreate, and to be honest, what person — man or woman — wouldn't get that jolt of initial excitement when offered the chance? 

I admit, the old hippie in me has entertained the fantasy of the commune life at least once. Free love and a family of women who care for and nurture a pile of kids with lots of men around to serve and protect... and choose from. Sounds kind of fun, right?

But then I start to think about actually sharing the man I am in love with... and that idea immediately fizzles out completely. No thanks.

Surprisingly, though, the men I’ve posed this question to also do a complete 180 once they get past that initial excitement. They aren't too keen on the idea of their wives with another guy either, and the idea of supporting, satisfying and pleasing more than one woman on a regular basis is a LOT of pressure.

And if we're being really honest, men want their wives' love and trust. 


That's not to say that couples who prefer open relationships are wrong, though. If a couple has a strong enough relationship to be able to make multiple partners work for them, then more power to them.

Honestly, the level of communication they must have in order to maintain trust is probably far higher than any couple in a monogamous relationship. We could all learn a thing or two from those who navigate non-monogamy well.

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Relationships of any kind are constant workThe ultimate reward of totally bonding with someone you love requires forever fine-tuning everything... communication, delivery, tone, schedules, play, sex, family, habits... everything.

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So, the question still lingers. If the majority of us still ache for a long-term, monogamous relationship, why do we cheat? Why do we divorce?

Do we want monogamy because we think it’s what we’re supposed to have, or are we hard-wired for it physically and psychologically?

If you’ve ever pondered this question, or you’re considering having an affair or opening up your relationship to multiple partners, take a few minutes to watch this thought-provoking YourTango Experts video above.

Melanie Gorman, Senior VP of YourTango Experts, and our panel of experts, including dating coach Deni Abbie, relationship coach Lewis Brown Griggs, author and anthropologist Helen Fisher, and family coach Melanie McGrath, have some interesting professional perspectives on this topic that just may affect your decision.

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After watching the YourTango Experts video above, if you still have questions or continue to struggle with whether or not monogamy is right for you, contact Deni, Lewis, Melanie or Helen, or visit their websites — they're here to help!