5 Mistakes Men Make That Instantly Blow Their Chances With A Woman, According To Research
These simple slip-ups may seem harmless, but they often ruin your shot off-the-bat.
Joshua Resnick | Canva Do you know about the common mistakes men make when approaching women, and how it affects their chances of getting that coveted date? Getting turned down after we summon the courage to walk up to a stranger because she looks good or appealing can be demoralizing and embarrassing.
Other than the unrest and nervous reactions, rejection often kills our confidence in ourselves, makes us feel like we’re of a lower status or less worth, and can make us appear dangerous. A 2010 study found "highly rejection sensitive people react with increased hostile feelings toward others and are more likely to show reactive aggression." But just as you know, not every guy who approaches a woman gets rejected. Why? Because they know what to do and what to avoid.
Here are the mistakes men make that instantly blow their chances with a woman, according to research:
1. You approach her from the wrong direction
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Tapping her from behind or saying, “Hey there, I’d like to talk to you,” are two things women who don’t know you hate. It feels easy to approach a woman the way we want. But just so you know, the way to succeed in any undertaking isn’t doing what we want, but doing what is required.
Approaching a woman from any position is what we want, but that’s not what women want. Therefore, to do it right, first, find a way to make eye contact, then approach her from an angle where she can see you coming, before walking up to her.
You might use an indirect approach due to shyness, but be warned, a 2021 study explored the different approaches men and women use to initiate dating and found that shyness is perceived and used differently in men and women. For men, shyness is contrary to more successful direct approaches to initiate friendly conversation.
2. Your timing is off
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Here are a few scenarios of wrong timing to approach a woman:
- when she’s rushing to work,
- rushing to get something done,
- talking on the phone,
- Or she appears serious and focused.
As you know, it’s difficult to play nice when there’s a block to our individual goal. That’s how it feels when men approach women when they are engaged in another activity.
If you see or feel a woman is genuinely busy or engaged in another activity, if it is something you can help her out with, fine, approach her. But if you can’t, and she seems so focused on getting that done, then avoid her.
3. You don't have confidence
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Standing timid, having your hands in your pockets, sweating while talking, and stammering as you ask her questions are signs of little or no confidence. Women can feel it when a man doesn’t have confidence in themselves.
Appearing nervous isn’t one way to impress a new woman. When she sees you have no confidence in yourself, she automatically begins to feel like you’re not the right man for her. If you feel she's too intimidating, remind yourself she’s also a human being. Don’t try to overcompensate by acting too seriously — your actions will give it all away.
Confidence needs to be genuine and controlled, as reinforced by an experiment in the psychology of nonverbal social behavior that showed, "men who were extroverted were rated [by women] as more socially engaging/dominant and phony."
4. You're too conventional
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“Hey, what’s your name? Hey, you look lovely. Hey, can I talk to you?” is nothing new to a woman, except if she’s just hearing English for the first time.
When men use these regular and common words to approach a woman, the next thing that comes to her mind is “Ugh, another one.” Think about this, if she had said yes or had given in to every other guy who has asked her these questions, chances are, she wouldn’t be single or walking alone at the moment.
So, try your best not to be predictable — women don’t want that guy. Don’t try too hard to impress her. Instead, start by asking her what she’s doing or talking about what she’s wearing.
Research from The American Psychological Association showed how the situation (location and context) and your motives when you approach her are crucial to initiating interest and clarifying a bond for any further interactions.
5. You try to flirt at first sight
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In the spirit of not wanting to seem regular and unpredictable, don’t resort to using flirtatious words such as “Hey baby, hey, you look nice in that dress” when you approach her.
In simple terms, using flirty words when you approach her for the first time positions you as a jerk. Therefore, avoid anything that will make her feel like all you’re trying to do is sleep with her the next minute. Replace all flirting words with specific, genuine compliments.
A study of five flirting styles in The Journal of Nonverbal Behavior explained how, "Each flirting style was correlated with behaviors linked to the conceptualization of that style: more conversational fluency for physical flirts, more demure behaviors for traditional female flirts and more assertive and open behaviors by traditional male flirts, less fidgeting, teasing, and distraction and more smiling for sincere flirts, more reserved and distancing behavior by polite flirts, and more obviously engaging and flirtatious behaviors by playful flirts."
Apart from flirting, your body language can also help. If you don’t seem confident, say what every other guy says, or appear rude by flirting with her at first sight, and the next thing you know, she has lost interest and is walking away.
Approaching women and asking them out on a date is not complicated, nor is it as scary as it’s made out to be. Men just need to make sure they do not make these common mistakes when approaching women. As long as you keep these in mind, you are not far from going on a date with the woman you like.
Mauris Othuke is a freelance relationship copywriter and contributor to The Mind's Journal.
