7 Ways To Find Love Again After Heartbreak (WITHOUT Getting Bitter)

Photo: WeHeartIt
love after heartbreak

Dial your bitch down.

Sometimes in life, things don't go our way, and like the emotionally mature adults we claim to be, we like to throw tantrums about it. 

When we were little kids, the fits we threw were usually about a toy, a piece of candy or something else that was kind of cute. As adults, we get upset and angry about dead-end jobs, shitty apartments and love — a.k.a things that are not so cute and slightly depressing. 

Yes, you're allowed to be a human and get mad when your feelings are hurt. I'm all for letting all your feelings out after a bad breakup or in those moments when you're single, and you feel like no one wants you. Cry and drink some wine. That's okay. 

What's not OK is bashing the whole idea of love altogether. What's not okay is hating an entire gender because of a few jerks.

What's not OK is completely shutting yourself off the possibility of love just because you're a little bitter. 

Here's a hint: we all get bitter. 

Everyone has those moments where it seems like finding love isn't worth the pain you go through. I can't tell you how many times I've deleted Tinder in a drunken rage only to download it again the next morning. It's fine, and it's just part of being a person. 

But there's always that danger of becoming chronically bitter. You know, the person who's ALWAYS talking about how single they are, and how they'll never find a guy, and blah, blah, blah. I don't think I'm alone when I say those conversations are some of the hardest ones to listen to. 

Because no matter what kind of positive, empowering advice you give, this person does not want to hear it. They don't change because they're not willing to change. 

So if you're scared this is you or maybe what you're on track to become, do these 7 things to avoid being a bitter ass bitch. You'll thank me later. 

1. Kiss (or just flirt) with a stranger. 


Sometimes we get down about love because we forgotten how much fun it is. While there's not yet a recipe to find true love, you can remind yourself about the excitement you feel when you're starting to get close to someone. 

So go out, get a little tipsy and find some (non-creepy) stranger to maybe make out with. No intentions, no expectations, just fun. 

2. Go an entire day without talking about your love life, or lack of. 


See if you can go a full 24 hours without mentioning your Tinder activity or how weird it was running into your ex three weeks ago. Push yourself to find other things to fill your life with joy that will take away the time you spend being bitter. 

And if you can go a full day, then try two or three days. Give your mind an effin' break. 

3. Reevaluate your single friends. 


Misery loves company, so there's a could chance that you're feeling bitter because the people you're hanging out with are also feeling bitter. Take a break from anyone who's as down as you and try to surround yourself with people who have a more positive outlook. 

It's possible that doing this could inspire your other bitter friends to cut their attitudes too. 

4. Hang out with your couple friends. 


I know this is probably the last thing on Earth you want to do, and that's EXACTLY why you need to do it. You're avoiding couples because you associate that with feeling like shit. So change the script in your brain, and force yourself to see love happen right in front of you. 

Bonus: you can even ask your couple friends for love advice! 

5. Let go of any and all bootycalls. 


Bootycalls, friends with benefits, and hookups can be great, but only if you're in the right mindset to handle it. If you're feeling bitter about love and relationships, it might be because you're feeling constantly rejected by these purely physical partners. 

Being bitter is a sign that you want you love, so the fact that you're only getting hook-ups is not great for your self-esteem. Recognize that, and do yourself a service. 

6. Make a list of what you want. 


Figure out what's important to you in a relationship, and identify the kind of love you're holding out for. Being clear about what you want is the best way to avoid getting what you don't. 

It's science (I think). 

7. And then let it go. 


You're more likely to find love when you're not obsessing over it. Relationships are great and wonderful, but it's not all life is about. Focus on your friends, your career, your hobbies, and just trust that the guy for you is on his way. 

Sign Up for the YourTango Newsletter

Let's make this a regular thing!

And until then, have some fucking fun.