4 Silly New Year Relationship Resolutions

4 Silly New Year Relationship Resolutions
Love, Self

These New Year resolutions should be scratched off the list for good.

We know, we know. It's New Year's Eve and one must brainstorm a shiny list of ways in which you plan to morph into a new, improved and almost inhuman version of yourself. No more impulse coffee buys (all that latte cash could equal a vacation!), an ambitious gym plan that will chisel your stomach into a runner's six-pack, and speaking of six-packs—no more booze during the week. All those missed glasses of wine will go splendid with your no-white-at-night anti-sugar routine. What a fun year you have planned for yourself! 

Well here are a few relationship New Year resolutions that should be tossed out with all your junk food.

1.) I will stop picking fights with my significant other. On the surface this sounds great. And, yes, one should aim to not pick fights with anyone in general—surely you can find a better use for your debate skills. But setting a goal not to argue is a slippery slope. Bite your tongue too often and you'll find yourself turning into Betty Draper's emotional doppelganger, all bottled up and nowhere to spew. If you find yourself biting your tongue more days then not, it may just be time for a new significant other. Bad Relationships May Be Genetic

2.) I will no longer date the bad boys. A very noble quest. Admirable, even. But we both know this is likely going to be the first resolution you break—like at 12:07am New Years morning. Too many first dates with the nice sensible guy you should date will likely drive you to the nunnery before the alter. How about you just be a touch smarter about calling it quits when he starts to sprout his Lucifer horns? 

3.) I'm going to get started on the marriage and family stuff. Too many weddings, baby showers and arched eyebrows from your parents at the holidays would drive anyone to google "tips to get married in 12 months, stat" the last week of December. Eh, screw that noise. It's fine to know what you want and to stop wasting time, but nothing says houseful of cats at 40 more then that desperate first date with the wild-eyed look of a girl who REALLY wants to get hitched.

4.) I won't fantasize about other people when I'm with my significant other: Who are you? The thought police? Life is far too short, my dear. Let those fantasies run wild. Masturbation May Cut Cancer Risk

Tell us: what are some smarter resolutions you're making this year?