Community Blog: What Do You Do When Attraction Wanes?


I am entirely unsure how to write about this, so I'm just going to start free writing, and will edit it in a day or so.

I love X.  I really do.  He's funny, he's smart, he's sweet.  He will bend over backwards for me if I ask him to.  But the spark is gone, for me at least.  I no longer find him sexually attractive.  He doesn't take care of himself or our mutual living space.  I have to beg him to do the laundry, and he leaves dishes in our room for days on end.  He has a skin condition that would go away if he were to just visit a doctor.  His face is perpetually oily, and I fear that he will make my skin break out when our faces touch.   I don't even enjoy kissing him. 

I just don't see him as a potential husband anymore, and that saddens me.  We have completely different viewpoints on so many important things.  I'm an old-school Republican (technically a Libertarian), while he is so Liberal he might as well be Marxist.  I'm Catholic, he's an atheist.  All of our conversations revolve around politics, and we always end up arguing.

He seems to be scared of the future.  He's had "just one more year of college" until he graduates for the past two years that we've been dating, and it's still "just one more year".  He flunked classes due to spending time with me.  For part of the time that we were dating, he was living off of his parents.  Now, he lives off of student loans.  He has plenty of ambition, but without the drive that accompanies it, he'll be lost in the world. 

I feel so hypocritical saying this, but he's also put on some weight, and hasn't taken any steps to avoid it.  I've lost 25 pounds in the past few months, and while I'm no supermodel, I am definitely getting more attention from men.  He's also been doing things that seem almost like he's trying to sabotage my continued weight loss.

Enter Y.  Y is a professor, owns a house, and is physically fit.  He's one of the nicest guys I've ever met, and he is definitely attracted to me.  He seems to have all of the qualities that I want in a potential life-mate.  Obviously, I know that Y and I don't know each other that well, but I do like what I know.  I have a desire to get to know him better, and I find him very sexually attractive.

To add to the complication, I will be moving from my city next year.  I don't know where I'll be moving, but I will be moving just the same.  I'll be living with my family while I finish up college. 

I just don't know where to go or what to do.  X knows that something is up, but he hasn't approached me with any questions.  We had discussed an open relationship previously, but I'm really not sure how well that will work for us.  I don't know if I want to remain in this relationship. 

I'm terrified.  X and I live together, and I can't afford to live on my own in this city on my salary.  I have no money saved up due to the poor salary, so I can't even afford to pay a deposit.  I could potentially move in with a friend, but that still leaves me feeling adrift.

Any advice or comments would be appreciated.