3 Questions That Can Save Your Marriage


Saving a marriage is never a given. It takes hard work — and lots of it!

Many husbands and wives fall on hard times; living happily ever after is tricky and anyone who says it's not is either lying or single. Because of this, you may find yourself wondering just how to save your marriage. The answer comes with both good and bad news.

The bad news is that discovering how to save your marriage takes a great amount of effort. The good news is that most marriages can actually be saved, as long as you (and your spouse) are willing to put in that aforementioned effort!

Why Marriages Fail

It may be common problems that are causing you to wonder how to save your marriage, or your problems may be entirely unique to your situation. Most marriages fail because of one of the following, however:

  • The marriage lacks acceptance, appreciation or emotional safety.
  • The husband or wife become angry or resentful.
  • The marriage has a lack of emotional intimacy (there is too little communication, the sharing of feelings, or the comfort to say what you feel).
  • The husband or wife is too selfish in their wants and desires and not giving enough to their partner.
  • There is a lack of affection or sex.
  • The couples each lead separate lives, failing to spend time together and eventually becoming little more than roommates.

The above problems happen, at one time or another, in many marriages, but it's whether or not you address them than can mean the difference between saving your marriage and all-but-assuring a divorce.

How to Save Your Marriage

If How to Save Your Marriage: The Manual was a real book, it would list "address your marital problems" as the first step. This is where things can tend to get tricky, though.

When a marriage begins to fail, many people look at their partner and the faults they bring to the table. They think of all the ways that their partner can change and how those changes will ultimately improve the marriage. But the direction people really need to be looking is inward: saving your marriage is practically synonymous with changing yourself.

So, the best ways to do this include asking yourself the following three questions:

  1. How are my actions affecting the marriage?: Your actions — both the positive and the negative — undoubtedly affect your marriage. They can help your marriage, or hurt it. Thus, as you look at all of the things that are wrong with your marriage, ask what part you have played in its downfall.
  2. How can I change my actions?: The next step in the how to save your marriage game involves changing your actions. Yes, you're likely not the only one who needs to change (your spouse does as well), but you can only control yourself. Thus, this is exactly where your focus must lie.
  3. How can I prove to my ex how I’ve changed?: The final step in saving your marriage involves showing your ex that you have indeed changed. The old adage "actions speak louder than words" is particularly applicable to marriages: telling your spouse that you have changed isn't enough. Instead, you must engage in actions that show them that your change is indeed actual and permanent.

To learn more about how to save your marriage, click here.