Online Dating Dilemma: Why Haven't They Texted Me?

Love, Self

You've made a connection but now there's no communication. Wondering why? These answers might help.

The truth is you never know and in some cases you never know the answers to the many “why” questions that are associated with online dating. The difference between online dating and meeting someone at a bar is the personal interaction which instantly develops a relationship. When you meet someone online you are simply a number until the first meeting.  So when someone never texts you but will always respond when you text, when someone just randomly stops responding after weeks of great conversation, and when someone blows off your plans three or four times… You sit and wonder "Why?"!

I have had friends approach me and ask for advice on numerous occasions asking those "why" questions and many others. I always explain it in a similar fashion, online dating is tricky and you can’t take it personally. People are most likely talking to other people, life happens and people get distracted, and people do actually get busy with work/school and get sick. The key is not to get that invested until you meet someone and know that something is actually there and to make sure you don’t instantly think the worst when they don’t answer your text within 15 minutes. I’ll go over some potential situations and some ways to handle situations when you are left wondering why.


Situation 1: You are always the one initiating conversation.

This one is honestly tricky and the rules apply differently for guys than ladies. Ladies expect the guy to text them and guys are more laid back and won’t even notice at times if they are always initiating conversation.  Ladies - you need to remember not to get invested. You can keep initiating and attempt one hangout session or suggesting one date. If he does not take the bait then drop it, if his reason is legit he will come after you and start initiating but most likely he isn’t all that interested but is fine filling in his day at work with responding to your texts because, let’s be honest people like attention.  Gentlemen - woman expect you to text. So you should not worry as much if you are always initiating conversation. But if you notice you have tried arranging a date and she is not jumping at the opportunity then you might want to take a step back with an open ended, “Well, you let me know when you are free and we can get that coffee, ” placing the ball in her court. Placing the ball in her court will then eliminate the why she just might not have it in her to tell you she is not interested anymore.

Situation 2: Someone stops texting after weeks of conversation.

“Like I just don’t get it we were talking and everything was going so well, why aren’t they answering??” Well, things are truly not going well until there is one date and a conversation after that first date. Like I have said and will say countless times more, the majority of people online dating are talking to more than one person and will drop communication with whomever else if they meet someone and have a somewhat of a connection with them. Don’t take it personally! They have never met you! Move on to the next and be done with it. I have been the person to text someone a few weeks later saying something like “Hello stranger what ever happened” and I have gotten a response… but at that point do you want to meet someone like that ? Someone who comes up with a weak response that "life has been busy the past two weeks"? Nope.  So don’t even bother.


Situation 3: When someone blows off plans.

So you have gotten to the point in conversation where you are comfortable and want to meet the other person.  You make plans and the other person keeps cancelling last minute with different excuses. Now many things could be taking place. This person could be scared, busy, has no interest in ever meeting but enjoys conversation, is currently in a sticky situation with another person that is back and forth, or just simply flaky. Whatever the reason, you do not want to waste time getting to know someone for weeks or months if you are never going to get to meet them. After the third or fourth attempt straight out ask, “So are we ever going to get a chance to meet?” If they give a simple response like “Yea” or “Of course I’m sorry just been really busy.” You could respond with a genuine response similar to this based off the situation, “Okay good because I am looking forward to meeting you just seems you are always busy and I’m not sure if that’s the case or if you are nervous about meeting or maybe have something else going on but when you definitely have time get back to me and we will figure something out.” Then you need to be distant. You laid it out there that you wanted to meet.  You called out the busy and nervous factors and now you need to become distant and if they are truly interested they will make the effort. Honestly, odds are they won’t though.

If you are asking yourself anymore “Why” questions please comment and I’ll answer away… I am almost 100% certain I have been in the situation your questioning on numerous occasions.

Contributed by Kristin Waters, Online Dating Expert. Kristin is just a woman in her mid twenties who has been on way too many first dates to count. She has experienced it all from good to bad and now just wants to guide others to happiness. Learn more about her online dating experiences and adventures at http://tipsforonlinedatingfromapro.blogspot.com/2013_02_01_archive.html

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.