A Valentine's Day Score Card For Parents


We challenge you and your partner to keep score this Valentine's Day!

What are you doing with the love of your life on Valentine's Day this year?

Before you became parents you used to make elaborate plans with your man—good food, some nice wine, a decedent dessert, and sexy underwear. And just like following a tried-and-true recipe from grandma’s cookbook, your Valentine’s efforts usually culminated in the expected outcome that was, in a word, Satisfying.

But that was before kids and marriage. Now you don’t even acknowledge the holiday. Or, if you have thought about it for a fleeting moment, you’re probably thinking …

  • It’ll be way too hard to find a babysitter that night. Besides, the babysitter probably has a way hotter love life than I do.
  • If we do go out, then there is probably going to be an expectation for sex. Why would I want to do that?
  • We can express our love any night of the week. Come to think of it, I cook or clean everyday, so, I already express my love everyday.

Perhaps you’re now thinking it’s best to just pretend this holiday doesn’t exist, right?! But don’t do that. Don’t let Valentine’s Day go by (again) without doing something for your partner! If you don’t do at least a little something, it makes it seem like your relationship isn’t worth celebrating.  And it is worth celebrating! It may not seem like it in all the chaos of kids these days but that’s why it’s even more important to take some time for just the two of you. The two who fell in love so many, many years ago …

So I challenge you to keep score this Valentines Day. Literally, keep score. Use the scorecard below to see how many points you and your husband can score this Valentine’s Day! Hopefully this will bring back fond memories from long ago and maybe, just maybe you can end this Valentine’s Day Satisfied, once again …

Personal Hygiene

For moms:

  • Take a shower = 3 points

+2 more points for each of the following:

  • Shaving the quarter-inch hairs off your legs
  • Not putting your hair in a ponytail
  • Breaking out the makeup

• Put on a cute outfit = 3 points

+1 more point each for:

  • Wearing underwear without holes
  • Not wearing yoga pants at all that day

For dads:

• Take a shower = 3 points 

+2 extra points for each of the following:

  • Shaving 
  • Picking your dirty clothes up off the floor
  • Putting the toilet seat down before you leave the bathroom

Together Time on the Big Day

For moms:

  • Take some time to think sexy thoughts before your together time = 10 points

+5 more points if your mind doesn’t wander back to your to-do list. 

+1000 points if you actually get horny. (Ok, maybe 1000 is a bit much. Let’s make it +10)

• Spend at least 2 hours with your husband but without the kids = 10 points

+2 point for not talking about the kids during that time.

+20 extra points for spending some of your together time without clothes on.

For dads:

  • Take care of the kids to give your wife time to get in the mood (above) = 10 points

+5 extra points for not calling it babysitting while you watch the kids.

  • Spend at least 2 hours with your wife but without the kids = 10 points

+5 extra points each for: 

  • Not burping or farting during that time
  • Not checking your phone

1000 extra points for genuinely complimenting your wife during that time. (Ok, make it +10).

Acts of Love and Appreciation

For moms:

  • Give a small gift to your partner (tools to fix the clogged sink that you’ve been nagging about don’t count) = 5 points  

Spending time without your clothes on counts here too. Add +20 points for that again!

  • Send your husband a sexy text = 10 points

+5 more points for sending a photo with it.

For dads:

  • Put in a load of laundry during the day without being asked = 20 points

Reward yourself +5 more points if you switch it to the dryer and fold it.  

+10 more points for putting it away.

  • Give your wife a thoughtful card = 10 points.

+20 extra points for writing something romantic and appreciative in it.

After Valentine’s Day has passed, add up your total points and see how you and your partner stack up:

  • 100 or more points. Congratulations! To reward yourselves for really taking time for each other, go out and purchase t-shirts that say "We belong to each other." Wear them every Saturday for the whole year to celebrate your relationship. (Or, you don’t need to do anything, your relationship is already awesome!).
  • 50 - 100 points. Good job. We all get caught up in life, and it’s not always easy to find time to prioritize your marriage, but you did it—at least for today. Reward yourselves with a long, juicy kiss in front of the kids and ignore the "g-r-o-s-s" comments. 
  • Below 50 points. You’ve got to step it up a bit. Revisit this list on the March 14 holiday and make sure to do better. (In case you don’t know, March 14 is also known as Men’s Valentine’s Day—or Steak and BJ Day. Really—look it up. Or is your husband already reminding you about it?!)

Enjoy keeping score this Valentine’s Day!

Dr. Suzanne Olds is the founder of After Nine Tonight and creator of the one-of-a-kind Rekindle video series designed to quickly and tastefully get busy moms in the mood. She is dedicated to strengthening relationships by helping couples to understand and overcome desire discrepancy.  You can follow her at www.afterninetonight.com, @after9tonight, or www.facebook.com/afterninetonight