Don't Let Menopausal Mood Swings Ruin Your Sex Life


Moods are good things, despite all the bad press about PMS (Pre-Menstrual Syndrome) and perimenopause. When her periods start to wane her emerging mood swings can begin to affect your intimacy.

The reasons to the changes in mood are due to hormones, which are in a mad frenzy to finish their intended purpose; letting her ovaries empty their eggs for good, and allowing her natural body to give it a rest—it being the potential to become pregnant. Once she is one year past the last menstrual period (LMP), she is technically a menopausal woman.

"Wahoo … ", she may shout, "I'll never have to wear those damn cotton under-pads again! No more pregnancy scares for me, oh boy!" But you may be going bald from pulling out your head covering during this very trying phase, which can last up to and beyond 5-7 years, coping with her mood swings, her drying up down there, her lack of interest in sex, and her latent desire to walk out on you.

Oops. If she's telling you that, maybe the empty nest syndrome has kicked in, after the kids are outa' da' house, and her patience will dwindle when she realizes you have yet to pick up the dirty underwear from the floor and will increasingly decide to spend more time at the local cafe then home. If that's the case, perhaps it's time for you both to talk, you can even call me to book your first phone session, alone or in tandem about how to strengthen your relationship.

If things are good between you, and you've established a loving, sound foundation, you will victor over this temporary phase and eventually she'll come back to you arms wide open and will be more open to intimacy.

Mood swings and grumpiness are the hallmarks of most women's monthly menstruation woes and of course the ever-troubling p-words: premenstrual and perimenopausal phases in a woman's life.

I'll never forget the first legally tried case of PMT (Pre-Menstrual Tension as they called it in the UK in the early 1990's). The case showed the most extreme case of mood getting the best of this one woman who decided to axe-murder her hubby. Yikes! The odd thing is that she got off, thanks to her medical excuse of PMT.

What a time we live in, right? She was acquitted for medical reasons, due to PMT. Go figure. If it comes down to an point where your woman is wielding a knife at your chest because of her hormone rage, pick up the phone and call the cops; don't take her PMT as an excuse for that type of behavior. If she's ragging at you 24/7 chances are she's just in a bad mood because of her bodily challenges. Be patient. You can make her happy again, once this has subsided.

I want you to understand that setting a mood, or creating a positive, even romantic, mood for your gal is essential to making it. Making it in bed and making it long term in intimate relationships. Getting her in the right mood is your best chance for a night-long of intimacy, I promise you.

The F Word (foreplay)

You can use words to change her mood. Women tend to be moved by your words more than what you look like. The auditory zone is going to be your best ally, unless you smell bad or look like a hoary toad. The research bears me out that men are the visuals and women the audios and kinesthetics—they respond to what they hear and feel. So, think of things you can say to her that elevate her feelings state with the following mood-boosters:

  • Romance: Things like "I love you, honey … " or "I've searched my whole life for a woman like you … " or "Please, accept this dozen of fresh red roses to show how much you mean to me."
  • Dirty talk: Say words like, "S*ck me, baby, til I … " or "I want you scream out loud … " or "F**k me!"
  • Playful: Encourage her to be playful with you, by inviting her to get tickled, or rolling and tumbling around on the carpets like little kids, or running wildly across the sandy beach with your hair blowing in the wind.
  • Direct approach: Tell her straight what you want and like, with messages like, "Let's have sex after dinner" or "I love the way your mouth feels on my body" or "I want you now."

Capitalize on the sense of your touch to change her mood. For example, practice the art of a long, languishing, sensual caress or deliberate stress-relieving massages (which you can read all about in my book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Sensual Massage) by stroking her from head to toes, stopping to touch her in all the right places.

By the way, I suggest obtaining quality natural essential oils that change moods just by having them in the room, such as ylang ylang or rose to open up for love, mint for boosting energy, lavender for relaxation, patchouli for arousal and woodsy scents to turn you on. You can learn how to be a good giver and a great receiver; set your intention to change her mood for the better, sending her touch alerts that say without words the way you want her to feel.

Make her smile, make her feel loved, make her feel appreciated and adored, just by pressing her flesh with your eager fingers and hands. Touch is the most direct method that will tell her that she's the one for you. Offer her pleasure with your fingertips and she's going to spend the whole night making you feel great in return.

Maybe the idea that being nice to her will definitely change her mood is the one that you'll find hard to believe. Niceness is an art form of its own. How you speak to her without judgment, how you send warm, quiet soothing tones into her ears, how you do those little things that make a difference can all alter her moody state from bad to good.

What can you do? How about these ideas: Become her domestic God, make dinner, do the laundry, clean her car, open doors for her, scrub her back and wash her hair while you adore her with all of your being.

The other F Word

Here are two more critical areas where being good in bed is going to put her in a very good mood:

1. Get better at sex.

Sex is not a natural skill. It's learned; so get schooled to be the best you can be between the sheets.

Learn what you can do to push her love buttons to send her into orbit, with a smile and moan. Get her to her orgasm first, then yours. Say to yourself, "Hmm, what else can I do to make her feel pleasure now?" If you think those happy thoughts, guess who is going to be in a good mood? Both of you.

2. Be a generous lover to her, which will likely change her mood.

In one of my DVD programs, "Modern Kama Sutra: An Erotic Workshop for Couples" in the second DVD (of three in the series), we call it "Pleasure Her First." Why? Because in the ancient teachings of India it was clear even then that pleasing your woman will earn you rewards later on.

Focus on her needs, wants and desires and you will soar to heights you never dreamed of reaching when the arrow points back to you. Give to get.

Be an active giver, focus on her pleasure points and indulge her in accepting all the joy you can offer. Finally, tell her you love her more often than on your wedding anniversary; show her how hot you are for her; be open with a twinkle in your eyes, a smile on your face, and loving gestures with your words and movements. Open yourself to being more and she'll give back to you every time, with happy moods forever.

Last word

Give up on what you cannot change; if she's pre/peri or just plain menstrual or menopausal, give it time. If you are the type of guy, like most, who wants to fix things, follow my advice and get her into the best of moods you can muster up. It's really up to you to give it a whirl. Now, get yourself in your best mood first, then share the wealth. It'll pay off for a lifetime of happy times and up moods, I promise you.

Dr. Patti Britton is a Clinical Sexologist, Sexuality Educator and Master Sex Coach with top level credentials.   As a well-respected pioneer and leader in the field of sexology, she is the author of hundreds of articles, four amazing books, and is former columnist for Penthouse Forum. Dr. Patti is a Your Tango expert, popular speaker, sought-after trainer and workshop leader, blogs on her own websites and hosts over 40 DVDs for women’s and couples’ sexual enhancement. 

She has a private practice in Los Angeles and via Skype globally. Dr. Patti is the Co-Founder of SexCoachU, the world’s premier training and credentialing institute for sex coaching.  Her coaching career was inspired by being in the presence of Thomas Leonard, and her two amazing coaches, Julian Cohen and Cheryl Richardson.

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.