Are You Guilty Of Being A Serial Communication Buster?

Are You Guilty Of Being A Serial Communication Buster?

Do your impatience, exasperation and expectations send your man to the hills?

I’d like to tell you the story of the man with two wives. His first wife is Jenny, the serial communication buster. One day she came home from an awful day at work and ready to fire at anything that moved. Her patience that was usually the size of a pumpkin had shrunk to the size of a pea. When she walked in, she saw her husband sitting on the couch with their son, engrossed in practicing on his newly purchased guitar. He nodded a quick hello barely looking up from his music. Clearly out of control, she charged through the living room, angry that he didn’t acknowledge her entrance with more enthusiasm. Can’t he see what an awful day she had at work? When he finished his song, she challenged him, "What do you think? Am I just invisible? You can’t even say hello when I walk in!" If she was looking to be visible and heard, by now she certainly succeeded! If she was looking for some kind of compassion, what do you think she got? Not much. Instead she got a silent non-committal stare that just fueled her disappointment.

Let’s take apart what happened here. Jenny subconsciously processed this event in what I call the Internal Chain of Command.

Jenny walks in and sees her husband sitting on the couch next to her son and playing the guitar. This is simply a pure observation, simple data. However, when he doesn’t say "hi" as enthusiastically as she would like, she processes that data in her ultra sophisticated, well-oiled, top of the line and highly experienced unconscious fantasy filter and out pops her story. Now her story is pure fiction filled with thoughts that lead to her internal feelings and emotions and sounds something like this.

"When he doesn’t say hello to me the way I want him to, I feel invisible, unworthy and sad. I’m not loveable." See, in the past, some people who were important to her didn’t acknowledge her the way she wanted and so she started believing that if people didn’t acknowledge her all the time, she wasn’t visible and if she wasn’t visible, she didn’t exist and if she didn’t exist, it’s because she wasn’t worthy of love. Unable to love herself from the insides, she needed outside acknowledgement to feel valuable, visible, loveable and happy.

Consequently, Jenny is feeling like a victim out of control and when we feel like a victim, conflict is a faithful partner and anger is a common reaction. Now Jenny is fuming mad and boy is her husband going to hear about it. Was feeling more loved the result she is looking for? Yes. Was it the one she got? Nope. All she got was a defensive husband and more bickering.

Her angry reaction provoked the exact result she needed to reinforce her belief that she was indeed invisible, unheard and unlovable and of course now she has collected more evidence of her belief. Her disappointment was justified and she’s really feeling worthless! Plus, she has more evidence that she is indeed, not always lovable. Of course, we know that isn’t true, but we collect so much self-created evidence that we take it for being the truth with a capital T.

Be honest.

Has this or something similar ever happened to you?

Stay tuned and meet wife number two in the next post.

I'm so glad you are here! If you liked this post, please leave your comments and feel free to share it with family and friends. And be sure to download my Free Report on Cultivating Communication.

To Your Communication Mastery!

If you're frustrated at not being heard, feel like your needs are not being met or you say "yes" when you really want to say "no" and take things personally, then you should definitely contact me today about my innovative online Compatibility Index. In less than 60 minutes, I can tell you exactly why you are no longer feeling compatibility with your partner, why you are struggling in your conversations and give you tips and strategies for communicating your needs and desires confidently, elegantly and guilt-free!

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