Nothing will sink your manifestation ship more quickly than codependent thinking.
Have you seen all the Valentine’s decorations in the stores? How do they get all that Christmas stuff swept away and the V Day set up so quickly?
I don’t know about you but I always notice a lot of desperate and constricted energy around Love and Romance this time of year. So ironic that the holiday for celebrating love also causes so much emotional pain at the same time.
Especially for those people who need someone to act in a certain way for them to be happy. Think you are safe? Don’t be so sure. Codependent thinking is very sneaky
In readings, classes and in contact with the coaches in my Master Intuitive Coach® Institute, people have been asking me questions about the other players in their lives instead of asking about themselves.
For example, Jan (name changed) who has known me for years and has studied with me asks, “Will this guy wake up, stop drinking, and come back so we can have a committed relationship?” The question Jan could be asking is “What can I do to understand what I really need to be happy?”
Or let’s take Stacey, she asks “When will I finally meet the person I’ve been waiting for? When???” A question that will give Stacey better traction on her emotional map might be “What can I do to become attractive to the kind of man I long to meet?”
Do you recognize co-dependence in the before questions Jan and Stacey were asking? When you are focused on another person’s behavior to the exclusion of your own, that is a clear warning sign and worth your attention.
When you are trapped in a codependent mindset, you are so focused on controlling others, (for their own good of course, LOL) that you constantly lose focus on the only two things you CAN control. Your time and attention.
Could you be codependent? Even scheming in subtle ways to make someone love you is co-dependent. It is a sly form of self sabotage that keeps you from moving forward. Here is a quiz I made up to help you decide.
1. Do you believe you need to be in a couple to be happy?
2. Have you given up on arguments quickly so things don’t get out of hand?
3. Could you be happier in your current relationship?
4. Do you have a tendency to let people walk over you?
5. Do you struggle to say no when asked to help people?
6. Do you feel guilty if you take care of yourself first?
7. Are you trying to strategize to get someone to love you?
8. Deep down, do you hold a core belief that you have to DO something to get love?
9. Do you have a compulsion to offer advice or counsel to people whether they want it or not?
10. Do you have a tendency to try to rescue and change your partners?
If you answered yes to more than half of the questions welcome to the club! The term codependent sounds like a terrible diagnosis, but it’s not—you can use your map making skills and carve a new path for yourself.
I know from experience. Over the years, I’ve taught countless workshops on love and breaking negative relationship patterns. You can ask Marc, my now husband, learning to walk free of codependent patterns in my own life is not always a ride in the park.
I am now in a healthy interdependent relationship and I am grateful every day for that. I still need to watch it when I am tired, hungry or just plain spent after a busy time.
See if that is the same for you. Watch to see if you find it easier to let some one else’s bad behavior bug you when you are feeling low yourself.
Sit in a comfortable chair in a quiet space and close your eyes. After a couple of breaths, think about the women in your life. Let yourself think of one particular person. A person you have known less than 5 years. One who gets to you, has done you wrong or hurt you in some way.
Whoever that person is, focus on her for a moment and feel what is going on in your body. Notice what it feels like to be upset with her.
Now, think. Who does she remind you of? See if there isn’t another woman in your past who looked like her, acted like her or most importantly, made you feel like you are feeling right now.
Spirit, so much smarter than us...uses these people, the ones who are hurting your feelings, to shine light on the drama in your past still simmering. To break free you have to clear your interior filters so you can move past patterns holding your love life in place.
When you have codependent tendencies, you miss the chance to smooth the bump out of your ancient map when you make a big deal about the other person, get it? A Wise Teacher once told me, “You are never upset about what you think you are upset about. Never.”
The Power Question to ask is not “Why won’t he stop doing that?” The Power Question is “Why does that behavior bother me so much?” There is real treasure at the end of that question.
Last step. Write a letter to that person in the far distant past. Tell them all about how hurt your feelings are. If you need more tools, you will love the Heart Dynamix™ module of Master Intuitive Coach® Institute training.
Curious about Heart Dynamix™? The Master Intuitive Coach® Institute is a new and exciting integrative coaching program offering a ground-breaking professional certification program consisting of four transformational integrative coaching modules – Wealth Energetix™, Divination Dynamix™, Weight Release Energetix™ and Heart Dynamix™. For registration information: http://MasterIntuitiveCoachInstitute.com