My Date Didn't Want Sex

Love, Self

Why did Richard not want sex with Grace when he had been sexual with many women before her?

Grace begins her story here, and you can read the whole novel, Bring Love and Sex Together: The Value of Healing Sexual Shame, a Novel, on Kindle. Did he not love her? Or did he love her too much? Why does a man not want sex when he seems to be falling in love? These questions are answered in this Transformational Fiction novel. 

You may have read Richard's story in Dirty Sex or Clean Sex. Well, I'm the woman he fell in love with and we learned a lot about sexuality together. He had his turn, now it's mine. Here's how all of it went down.

 I was twenty years old and a sophomore when I met Richard in the college bookstore. He was a senior even though we were the same age. He was one of those really smart people, twice skipping grades in addition to playing sports in high school.

I think I should start back a few years. After all, this book is about sex. My sex life began long before Richard.

You know how it is when all the girls reach puberty and start lusting for boy's attention? Well, I was one of them. I looked at all the cute athletic boys and flirted with the ones I liked best. It was a skill to learn, and I found it pretty easy.

My first real date, where it was just me and a boy, was when I was fifteen. Before that had always been a group of kids, which my parents encouraged. After a football game, when a bunch of us were together, Greg asked me out for a movie the next Saturday night. I was really excited about being alone with him because he was the quarterback and all the girls wanted him. Great reasons, huh?

Greg was 17 and could drive, so he picked me up. Mom and Dad wanted to meet him, but I told them it was my life and my decision. It was easy to get them to back off, kind of wimpy parents. Dad was overly loving, and Mom wouldn't disagree with him even though she wanted to control me. Plus I was smart, and it showed, and somehow they deferred to me because of it. My sisters didn't get away with anywhere as much as I did.

Greg held my hand when we got to the theater, and put his arm around me during the movie. My heart rate was high the whole time, and I worried that I might sweat. But my jacket hid anything.

During a romantic scene he leaned over and nuzzled my neck. It felt good. I turned my head a little in his direction, and he kissed me. My first kiss. Oh my god, my first kiss was with the quarterback.

On the way home, he parked in a secluded lot near other couples, and kissed me again. That was fine, but then he put his hand up my shirt onto my breast. This wasn't okay. I pushed his hand away, but he grabbed my arm, and his body restrained my other one. He pulled my bra down and played with my breast, finally putting his mouth on it.

Now here's the bad thing. I knew he wasn't suppose to do that. I tried to stop him. He forced me. And it turned me on. Playing with my nipple and sucking it turned me on.

He tried to pull my pants down, too, but then I started to scream. No way was that going to happen. He stopped and told me to shut up. Then he drove me home and I walked to my house while he stayed in the car. I was devastated. He just wanted sex. I had heard that a lot of boys are like that, but I didn't think one would do that to me.

And there was the confusion of being forced, and yet my body responding to the stimulation. I didn't know what to make of that, so I didn't date again. For a long time.

I didn't go out until my first year at the University of Washington in Seattle. I figured that college men might be more mature. But I also knew I would be very careful. I would get to know a guy before being alone in a car with him.

So, that's the build up for meeting Richard. If you read his book you know that once he had sex with a girl, he was done, and hoped he could put it off to avoid that. He was one of those who don't call after they finally get sex. It looks like they just want to score, and then notch their belt and move on. But he felt terrible after the sex, and couldn't imagine being with the girl again. She became repulsive. He didn't fall in love because he knew it was temporary, never lasting long enough to create that kind of connection.

So I was perfect for him. I didn't want to do anything right away. We dated for over three months before getting in bed.

I could see that Richard was a charmer, and that I shouldn't believe everything he said. I didn't even let him kiss me until the forth date. I was surprised that he liked my hesitation, and even told me so. I didn't learn until so much later that he didn’t want to get rid of me the way he had with all the other girls.

I trusted him because he didn't pressure me. I liked that he was smart, and that he loved his studies. He majored in business with minors in econ and technical writing. He studied engineering on the side, which gave him an advantage when applying for jobs. He graduated while we were dating, so I got to hear about the positions he applied for, and how the interviews went. Not many twenty year old college grads were offered high salaries with expectations of rising quickly in a company. Microsoft wanted to groom him for advancement, but he turned them down for an even higher salary with a start up. He wanted to be in on the creative aspects of a company rather than step in to an existing firm.

I thought we had something valuable. He thought highly of my education, too, and my plans for starting a service for writers when I graduated. First I would work for a publisher to learn the ropes, but ultimately I wanted to work for Amazon's self publishing house creating services to offer writers. However, I ended up studying psychology research focusing on sexuality as I began to see the craziness of how this element of being human was distorted by so many of us. More on that later.

So we were perfect, right? Two smart, creative people focusing on interesting futures would have been a good combination.

We kissed a lot, and rubbed our bodies together, but didn't even get our hands under our clothes for weeks. When I finally put his hand under my blouse onto my breast he was tentative and slow. It was really arousing, and I wanted him to do more. But every step was initiated by me. I ran my hand over his stomach, down toward his penis, but without touching it. He actually seemed uncomfortable with my doing that. Although finally he took his penis out with clothes still on and put my hand on it. I wanted to take it in my mouth, but I was sure I wasn't invited to do that.

When we were sitting in his apartment near the U, he pulled off my shirt and undid my bra, leaving my pants on. He nestled against my breasts, rubbing his face on them while stimulating my nipples. I was so aroused I wanted to make love, and started to take off my pants. But he stopped me.

"Not yet," he said. "Just this, Grace. Just this." And then he kissed me deeply for a long time.


To find out what happens to this couple, read Bring Love and Sex Together. See how they discover their sexual issues, and how they heal them in this Transformational Fiction novel!