How To Find Your "Perfect" Partner


You have to think very differently about dating so that your "perfect" partner can find you.

It's hard to be single. There's no way around that. It's especially hard when you look around and see other people who have someone and wonder what's keeping you from that, or when you've just experienced a divorce or the breakup of a relationship you really wanted to see work out.

On the other hand, being single means you get to date and dating can be a lot of fun. Even if you're an introvert or have had bad experiences before, dating offers you the chance to meet new people and have new experiences.

If you struggle to think about dating in a positive light, consider re-framing your attitude towards it. While you don't want to deny the fact that it is difficult, stressful or whatever other negative aspects you think about when you consider it, changing some basic ways about how you think about it will help make it a more enjoyable experience.

It's Not Your Fault

The first thing to remember is the majority of the time, your singleness is not your fault. Unless you've chosen it deliberately or have isolated yourself from people you would potentially date, there's nothing inherent to who you are or what you're about that makes you single.

It's easy to believe that, if only you could change one thing, potential partners would come streaming in like water through a floodgate. The truth, though, is that it's a lot more complicated than that. There are things about everyone that make them incompatible with everyone else in some way and forming a relationship is a process of figuring out how to work around those incompatibilities in a way that works for both of you.

Thus, obsessing over that one change won't help you. In fact, it will just make you more insecure about potential incompatibilities. Instead, concentrate on finding someone mature enough to work through those areas of incompatibility.

There's Someone Out There

A second false belief that is strong for most single people is that it doesn't matter how hard they look for a partner, because there is no one out there who will be right for them. This belief is particularly pervasive among people who have dated several people seriously, only to have each and every one of the relationships fall through.

It can be hard to continue to believe that your perfect partner is out there when all you see are the imperfect ones. However, it's necessary to keep hoping in order to keep up the motivation to continue looking, dating and meeting new people. This belief is dangerous because it can be self-fulfilling. If you believe there's no one for you, you'll stop looking. And if you stop looking, you won't find the person because you'll have your eyes closed when they appear.

Keep as far away from this belief as possible. If necessary, have people close to you remind you that your search is not in vain. Do whatever you have to do to stay in the game, so your perfect partner can find you when the time is right.