Ladies, Stop The Endless Texting — Ask To Meet For A Chemistry Check

Photo: weheartit
If You Wonder 'Does He Like Me?,' Ask For A Chemistry Check

Just don't ask him out again.

As a successful, single woman, you probably find dating frustrating and time consuming.

All that emailing online and texting via apps more often than not turns out to be a total waste of time. How many times have you gone back and forth and never even met the guy?

It’s so annoying!

Sometimes communication might go on for weeks — and occasionally even months — as you wait to see when the he will get around to asking you out.

I understand how this might be confusing. You assume if he’s communicating, he must like you.

So why doesn’t he ask you for a date?

Many of my clients want to know if there is something they can do to speed the process along.

You have to make a choice between one of these two basic strategies if you want to put an end to all of the patient waiting:

1. End it.

The first strategy is to simply stop waiting and move on. If a guy doesn’t man up and ask you out within seven days, stop communicating and look for others. This isn't mean, it’s efficient.

There are lots of guys who want to email, text or talk on the phone, but never want to meet you. Maybe he travels a lot for business, is working on a massive project or has a demanding boss. Or he’s super busy with his kids.

Whether these are just excuses not to make themselves vulnerable by meeting you face-to-face or his life really does make getting together that difficult, he is clearly demonstrating that spending time with you in person is not his priority.

Don’t wait around for a man to finally free himself up to see you. How he treats you now, when you are first dating, is the best his treatment of you will ever get. If he doesn’t have time for you now, he won’t later either and you’ll never be his priority. Avoid the whole thing by leaving him in the dust and meeting other prospects.

2. Ask to meet ... for a chemistry check.

I’m not a fan of asking a man out. However, there is a distinction in this particular situation.

If you ask a man to meet you for the first time — for a simple chemistry check — that is what I consider “date zero."

It’s not a real date.

Date zero a quick opportunity for you both to discover if you have a mutual attraction and enough in common for you to progress to a first date

Asking to meet him for a date zero is easy. Say something like, “Let’s meet for coffee (a beer or a glass of wine) and see if there's any chemistry.”

That’s it. You don’t need to say more or explain further.

If he prefers a virtual relationship getting his jollies from texting or conversation, he’ll disappear or make excuses. You called his bluff and now you'll realize he never had any intention of dating you. That’s an empowering short cut that can save you time and frustration for sure.

On the other hand, if the guy is interested or curious enough, he’ll agree to meet, which is what you want. The more men you meet, the easier it is to find a good match. And at least you won’t be stuck in limbo-land waiting to meet him.

If he finds you attractive and feels you have potential together, he’ll ask you out for your first date. If you find him attractive and feel you have potential together, you’ll say yes.

After that step, here's the most important part: Do NOT ask him out again.

Let’s say you have a great time and it seems he did too, but he doesn't ask to see you again at the end of the date.

This can feel awkward, and some women feel compelled to try to close the deal with something like: “I hope I’ll see you again,” “I’d like to see you again,” or even worse, “Call me!"

My dating advice is to hold your tongue, be gracious and offer a compliment or two.

“This was fun, thank you”  

“So nice to meet you. You made me laugh."

But leave future dates up to him. His role in dating is to pursue you, and your role is to decide yes or no.

If you ask a man out on date zero, never ask him out for date one. That's the same as chasing him, and I guarantee it won’t work.

If you ask to see him again, you are creating a pattern of taking charge.

There are some men who will respond to this, but they are the kind who will NEVER initiate — anything.

Weeks or months later, you’ll be aggravated that you have to do everything. You’ll complain to your girlfriends that he won’t take the lead. But it all started when you took charge by asking him out.


No more dates = no more communication.

There’s no need to stay in touch with a guy who doesn’t ask you out. Doing so leads nowhere, except to frustration and confusion.

Asking a man to meet for date zero is an efficient way to discover if he’s a good prospect or just wants to waste your precious time.

If you want to find love faster and stop wasting precious time on the wrong men, contact Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan for a free Dating Discovery consultation at 203-877-3777. Or download her free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single.