10 Things I Learned While Everyone Else Was Getting Married

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Things I Learned While Everyone Else Was Getting Married
Love, Self

No ring, no problem.

I'll be the first one to admit that I've given up on finding Mr. Right when everyone around me started getting hitched. Some of them even got with their second wives or husbands, while I sat there, single and desperate.

But though this part of my life has basically made me give up on my life goals, I will say that I did learn a bunch of things about living as the token single person in the group.

1. Coupled up people often have serious problems that I honestly don't want to deal with.


One of my friends who was engaged had a fiancé who was pretty abusive. It had gotten to the point where we had tried to intervene, but to no avail. She's still with him and she still got the ring. When I look at our current situations, I feel like I'm in a better position than she is simply because I don't have to deal with a jerk like her husband.

2. I can drink an entire liter bottle of vodka without dying.

Incidentally, I'm usually the one who was in charge of bachelorette parties.

3. Marriage isn't always worth it for people like me.


Everyone seems to view marriage as something that happens before you have babies. No babies, no reason for marriage, right? Well, I was sterilized, so if raising a kid I didn't want is what I'd have to do in order to get hitched, it's really not worth doing. I'm not willing to trade in my childfree lifestyle for a ring.

4. Many people who do get married, shouldn't.

Truth be told, I've been to at least one wedding where the woman's speech to her husband was basically nothing but backhanded compliments, berating, and poorly thought-out promises. I can't imagine that marriage lasting more than a year. He shouldn't have married her. He looked miserable at the wedding.

5. A lot of people who should get married, don't.


I've met some pretty chill people while drinking away my loneliness. Some of them are really down to earth, mellow, open-minded singles. They would make amazing spouses for the right person, but they're single because they're so often overlooked. If I haven't given up and made the conclusions I've made, I'd have offered, though I know they'd say no.

6. There is a marrying type.

Generally speaking, men don't marry when they're at their "peak" in terms of looks or career. However, they are professional and enjoy sports, outdoors activities, and other wholesome things. They tend to go for the "girl next door" look who seems appropriate for raising kids. Overall, men who want to marry tend to be clean-cut folks.

7. Of course, I'm not attracted to the 'marrying type.'


I realized that I'm really not attracted to "the marrying type." At all. In fact, button-down shirts tend to get me queasy rather than weak in the knees. On the other hand, a guy who wears baggy shirts, has dreadlocks or scraggly facial hair, a tattoo or two, coupled with a mean sneaker game will always win points on me.

Realizing that it would take a sparkling personality and serious divine intervention and/or brainwashing for me to be into a guy like that made me realize I'd be miserable in a typical marriage.

8. Being a bridesmaid sucks.

It's expensive. We have to put up with freakouts from a normally sane person who we might not ever look at the same way after we see her in bridezilla mode. We have to dress up (ick, dresses) in frilly little sh*t that costs an arm and a leg, and will only be worn once.

And it almost always happens when I'm dealing with a breakup, which incidentally makes me almost always excuse myself from weddings solely because I just don't want to make a scene if I can't contain my sadness over my personal bullsh*t. I love my friends, but I'm so over weddings.

9. Wedding planning is pretty awful.


Seriously, the upcharge people have to eat when they are buying a wedding dress versus a cocktail dress is insane. Even things as simple as getting hors d'oeuvres is a huge hassle. To a point, I can't blame bridezillas for freaking out at staff. For the prices they have to pay over a party, I'd expect them to do a ton, too.

10. I hate marriage and I hate the lifescript we're force-fed.

Well, I shouldn't say I hate marriage. I hate that it's a wholesome precursor to reproduction, a method of getting money shared, and a status symbol like a BMW. I hate that it's not a declaration of love, at least not one I'll ever experience.

I know this because I can't be into the "marrying" type of guy because they're boring and don't want what I want in life. I can't have kids, nor would I be a good full-time mother, and I realize that basically means I'm not marriage material.

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That old-school married life would suck for me, and to a point, understanding that made being single easier. Sour grapes? Quite possibly. Do I care? F*ck no. I'd rather be myself, alone, than be with someone who never liked the real me and never was someone I could be attracted to.