Watch "America's Best Christian" Explain Traditional Marriage

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Betty Bowers

Can you smell the sarcasm from here?

I couldn't be happier about same-sex couples having the legal right to marry. Unfortunately, not everyone is as happy as I am, and there's been quite a bit of backlash

It seems as if Christians are confused over what constitutes a Bible-based marriage. And now is a great time for YouTube sensation, Betty Bowers (America's Best Christian) to teach America a thing or two about traditional marriage. 

The Betty Bowers character, played by award-winning comedienne, Deven Green, has a series of videos on all different kinds of Christian topics — everything from Intro to Conservative Vocab, to Less is Mormon. These videos satirical and aren't supposed to be taken as gospel; they are, however, humorous and educational.

One video that's quite fitting for those opposed to gay marriage, using the argument that it isn't a biblical marriage, is Betty Bowers explains Traditional Marriage Video. So far, the video has over 2 million views and its popularity is growing.


According to Betty, a biblical marriage is between:

  1. 1 man, 1 woman, and the son she seduces after he kills his only brother. "The family that lays and slays together, stays together," quips Betty.
  2. 1 man, his sister, and the help
  3. 1 woman and her rapist
  4. 1 man and 1 condiment
  5. 1 man and 1 virgin he's raped after killing her entire family. Betty explains, "It's not rape if the man says 'I do.'"
  6. 1 man, 700 wives, and 300 concubines
  7. 1 man, 1 daddy's little girl, and the slave daddy hired to rape her

​Betty even uses Bible verses to prove her point. He can be rather inventive, but luckily, Betty's around to set everybody straight. 

Any logical person can tell that most of these are straight-up rape, and point out the inconsistencies of "traditional marriage." Watch out for Betty Bowers. She's going to take over the world.