The Top 10 Things That Spell DOOM For Lesbian Relationships

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Always discuss the deal breakers.

"I wish I would've paid attention."

That's what many of my clients say before they describe one of the following lesbian dating deal breakers. (A deal breaker is simply an issue that will create major problems in your relationship and likely cause a future breakup. It can be a fundamental difference in values, a major transgression or just a plain 'ole personal preference.)

Here is a list of the top 10 relationship deal breakers for lesbian couples:

1. Religion

It may be that she is devotedly religious, while you're as atheist as they come — or you simply follow different faiths. When it comes to religious views, a lot depends on the role your faith plays in your life. Religion may be a deal breaker for you, and if it is, make sure you both know where you stand.

2. Marriage

Do you want to get married? Be upfront about your views on marriage and ask her to share her views. If they conflict, be aware that it may be a deal breaker.

3. Her "Closet Status"

Are you willing to go back into the closet if she's in the closet? Do you value your privacy, while she's a LGBTQ community pride organizer? "Closet status" can create major relationship rifts if you can't live with each others' choices. Talk to her about how 'out' she is — at home, at work, and with her family. Talk about each others' choices honestly.

4. Family relationships

This deal breaker is really subjective. Does she have a weird relationship with her father? Does she hate her siblings? Is she a "momma's girl?" If the relationships she has with her family interfere with your relationship, then they may be deal breakers.

5. Drug/alcohol use.

Addictive behavior, including drug and alcohol abuse, can sour a relationship in record time. If she hides her behavior or prioritizes drug or alcohol use over you, then it's definitely a deal breaker. Don't stick around to watch your relationship go down in flames; find someone who has her priorities straight.

6. Children

Some lesbians want children and some don't. Some lesbians will raise children from other relationships and some won't. Children may be the biggest lesbian relationship deal breaker for some. Be honest about your preference (or about offspring you already have) and ask her to be honest, too.

7. Cheating

If she cheats on you, it's a deal breaker. As the old adage goes, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Of course, it's not true in every situation, but it's true often enough to be a deal breaker.

8. Pets

Whether you hate dogs or just love cats, let her know. Allergies, childhood traumas or even a simple preference for a certain type of pet can create major problems when it becomes time to combine your households. Avoid future problems by discussing this potential deal breaker with your partner early on.

9. Career

Career choice may seem like something that doesn't matter much when you're looking for Ms. Right, but it can create a huge rift in your relationship in the future. Will you be OK with an empty house if her job requires her to travel often or demands a lot of overtime? Will it be too nerve-racking for you if she has a dangerous job? Do you mind if she makes much more (or much less money) than you? Does her job require her to do something that conflicts with your values? Be aware of any potential career deal breakers, and don't be afraid to call it quits over them.

10. Dishonesty


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Even little lies can hide bigger problems. Did she lie about what she did over the weekend? Did she say she was staying home sick when she was really out dancing? When people lie about little things, they usually lie about big, important things too. If you can't trust her to tell you the truth, then that's a deal breaker!

This article was originally published at Lesbian Love Guru. Reprinted with permission from the author.