Midlife Hell: Oh, What To Do About My Online Dating Profile?

Love, Self

I'm afraid it's come to that time again--time to put my sorry ass back onto the Internet . . .

The good news is that I've hired a photographer to get my pic up to par, but I desperately need help with my profile introduction. I know, I know, I'm a writer--this should not be difficult--but I'm just not getting the results I want. Remember the fanny-pack guy? Remember Mr. Tickles? So, I've cut and pasted in a profile I let run on Plenty of Fish (Cassie calls it Barrel of Monkeys) for a few months.

I've had some responses but not the kind I want. Instead of asking me out--the men who contact me tell me jokes. Kid jokes. Knock-knock jokes. Bad jokes. I've come to the conclusion that I need an online dating makeover. Suggestions will be welcomed with open arms.




California dreaming meets Midwestern values sums me up pretty well. I’m a Hawkeye, Rebel, and Sun Devil, but I identify most with the Big Ten. There’s nothing more exhilarating than the first day of spring after an Iowa winter. It’s only 50 degrees out, but we’re all in shorts and tank tops busy tapping kegs feeling the rays of the sun for the first time in months. The smell after a rain in the desert is a close second. That being said, I visited Paris once and immediately broke into fluent French—I felt truly at home for the only time in my life. That is, until I found Denver.


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