Why is my boyfriend so hot and cold all the time?

Love, Heartbreak

I read your article on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I would love some help if you have time.

My situation is a little different. I met an older man online through a website that we both had the same interest in four months ago. He's in his late 30s, I'm in my 20s. We started emailing generally for about a month then we caught each other online. The first few times we chatted for a couple hours and neither of us even usually chatted.

We were in different cities but he was moving back to a city an hour from me so we thought we'd meet up and chat about interesting things. Then after a few times we chatted for 12 hours! From then on we chatted daily and lots. In the first week he told me he had feelings for me and I felt the same. Since he was goin g through a divorce we thought we better not rush it even though we both really liked each other. We got very close. We had seen each other's photos and he really liked me. We had a full-on online relationship.

Then we met at a cafe a month ago. He wanted to meet for drinks but I didn't want it to get out of control the first meeting. We had a nice time but it was strange - that transition from online to in person. We had built up a fantasy and I think it was hard to then go into reality.

Through email a few days later we decided we didn't really feel an attraction and how horrible we felt. We were going to be friends no matter what so this is what we thought we would do now. I knew it would take time for myself to feel an in person attraction to him because I was scared to meet him and I needed to form an in person emotional connection with him and I was willing to try. I gather he wanted to feel like he wanted to have sex with me right there. He was very se xual online but only in the last few weeks so much. He was sweet and gentle always though he loved to tease me sometimes badly.

So since then we have sent text messages and felt bad over it and tried to be light-hearted about it. I've tried to be strong and not tell him how upset I have been and how much I miss him and want to try at least an in person friendship with him.

A week after we met in person he sent a couple of texts that were sexual about a part of him still wanting to be with me. Then on the phone he said he was embarrassed and didn't know if he could really hang out with me yet. This was a few weeks ago. He told me then that he is confused and just needs time.

The other night he again sent a sex text and then surprise called me the next day. He told me he just was calling to say hi. It was a lovely chat and was nearly like the old days. Towards the end he again turned it sexual.

I emailed him afterwards telling him it was nice t o talk to him and I flirted with him a bit but I haven't heard back from him. I sent him a text message this morning again flirting with him but nothing. He usually loves it when I do that. And he rarely will take long to respond.

What could be going on with him? Why so hot and cold repeatedly? Could he be testing me? Does he not know what he feels so doesn't know how to approach it? I just don't know what to do.

He's hurt me bad but I miss him so much and want things back to how they were. I want to try having a friendship or relationship with him in person but I don't want to come across as needy.

So I'm not contacting him and I'm waiting for him to first but what if he doesn't? What if it's too much for him and he is just too conflicted over what he feels? And why even did he like me so much (saying he had feelings of love for me) and then go cold when we met then send sex texts again and call me and now is ignoring me?

I miss him so much, e ven as my friend.

Most people think he's no good for me because he has caused me pain but I still care.

I'm also going out with another boy next week (he is a good friend who likes me a lot). He lives in another city so he's coming to visit. This other man doesn't know he's coming even though he knows of him and I don't know whether to tell him or how to tell him. I feel like I am going to mess up both these boys and myself.

I'd love an objective person's opinion if you have time.