Why Romance Is Just A State Of Mind

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Romance Is A State Of Mind
Love, Sex

It's about savoring, about slowing down, about noticing, about discovering,.

When people think of romance, people think of buying flowers or planning a romantic date. Those are great actions that are at least potentially romantic. But what is romance really? 

Romance is a state of mind. It is a way of looking at your partner, life and even the world in such a manner that allows you to savor whatever is good in your life.

Romance is nothing more than savoring your partner and the gifts of your intimate relationship. From that place of savoring, from that place of gratefulness, you give back. You slow down and nurture your partner. You slow down and get in touch with what makes your partner’s heart sing.

You discover your partner and as you do, you discover that part of yourself that can feel more and maybe even more! You are not just living in your head, trying to get the next thing done on your to-do list.

No, instead, you stop, and you drop into your body a little more deeply and feel and appreciate.

RELATED: The 5 Stages Of Intimacy (And Why You Need To Know Where YOU Are)

So, yes, buying flowers and planning dates are potential romantic acts, but when it is coming from that place inside of you that can choose to experience more of what life and your intimate relationship have to offer you, that is romance.

Then, anything you do from that state of mind will manifest as truly romantic.

Here is another thing — romance, especially in a long-term committed relationship, requires some vulnerability. You have to soften your self-protective mechanisms that protect you from pain but also stop you from reaching your romantic potential. So in some large way, romance requires a courageous state of mind.

Cutting-edge research on couples says that our intimate partner unconsciously takes the role of our earliest attachment figures (mainly mom and dad). That is good news and bad news!  

RELATED: THIS Is The Secret To A Long-Lasting Relationship (Hint: Not Love!)

The bad news is that many couples just reenact old dynamics of early attachment anxieties. The good news is that when each partner realizes it is his or her job to regulate the emotions of their partner (as well as themselves), they own their special power that can impact their partner and they are in a much better position to make that positive impact.  

You can down-regulate your partner, which means taking them from stressed to calm by being caring and being a good listener. However, what this article is about is taking your partner from neutral to alive and energized (up-regulation).

That is romance and believe it or not, that is your job as an intimate partner! Nobody is in a better position than you to uplift your partner like this.

Romance is about bliss.

Romance is about being fully present in the moment. As stated above, romance is about savoring, about slowing down, about noticing, about discovering, about appreciating, about feeling and about courage.

So, enjoy the romance, enjoy the moment and enjoy your partner!

Todd Creager is an expert in relationships. For over 30 years, he has worked as a relationship therapist, specializing in marriage, sex and couples counseling.

Watch Expert Esther Perel talk about how to keep a relationship alive by using romance as an element of surprise.

This article was originally published at oddcreager.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.