11 Subtle Signals Men Send When They Desperately Want To Leave Their Relationship
If something feels off lately, these are the quiet signs he's mentally already gone.
Velimir Zeland | Shutterstock Men are fickle creatures. I say this because I know — I am one. And while we could spend hours arguing about whether men are highly evolved emotional creatures, I am here to tell you that, for the most part, things are black and white. When it comes to relationships, we like to be comfortable, but we also want to keep things exciting.
In essence, we want to have our cake and eat it too, which is why most men are only vague about things when we’re unsure whether or not to end a relationship. We tend to rationalize staying with someone because they make us feel safe, while forgetting that love and safety are mutually exclusive feelings. This is why it's hard for us to admit when we're no longer happy. Instead of saying it outright, guys tend to send quiet signals that something's off.
If you’re starting to wonder if he already has one foot out the door, here are 11 subtle signals men send when they desperately want to leave their relationship:
1. He's suddenly working way more than usual
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If your man suddenly starts logging long hours at the office, even though he only tolerates it so he can afford rent and his Mountain Dew obsession, take this as a sign he’s getting ready to leave you. As hard as this may be to hear, if a man wants to be home next to you on the couch, he will be.
Take note of his work schedule, and if you start to notice that he is rolling up at 9 pm every night, don’t take it as a sign of cheating; take it as a sign that he would rather be selling his soul to “the man” than be with you.
Studies show that partners of men working 50+ hours a week report more stress, less quality time together, and lower happiness in the relationship, so those late nights aren't just about work. The strain spills over into home life, and when that happens, it’s often a sign that they’re mentally already checked out.
2. He's stopped hiding his bad habits
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If you begin to notice that he isn’t even trying to keep his smoking/ drinking/ PokemonGo addiction in check, then you need to take it as a sign of deep unrest and unhappiness. People love to be healthy and well-balanced when they’re in love because they’re proving to the other person: hey, I won’t leave you and drain you for all you’re worth.
When someone’s bad habits start getting worse, it’s not just a personal slump. According to relationship therapists, this kind of behavior usually leads to emotional distance, more arguments, and a lot of tension at home. And here’s the thing: couples tend to mirror each other’s worst habits, so if he’s spiraling, it might be because the relationship is, too.
If your S.O. begins to stop trying to keep their favorite way to “unwind” in check, it is time to consider that they’re getting ready to bounce.
3. He barely touches you anymore
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It would be idiotic to say this applies to every relationship. Everyone who has been in a serious and committed relationship knows that the intimacy stops to some degree eventually. If you’re young and you’ve gotten used to only seeing one person undressed all the time, it is natural for things to slow down.
Having said this, if he seems disinterested in your body, even when it comes to kissing you, it is an obvious sign he is over the relationship.
4. His affection feels forced (or missing entirely)
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When you force a kiss or a hand-hold out of him and he seems to recoil from it, remember that men are easy in the sense that if they want to be with you, they will be. Yes, it is as simple as that.
And it’s not just you imagining it: research shows that couples who show affection frequently are way happier and more connected, while missing out on that kind of touch leads to more loneliness, stress, and dissatisfaction
5. He's physically there, but emotionally gone
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If you feel more alone when you sit down with him than you do when you’re by yourself, as painful as it may be, it's probably because he is already halfway out the door. Even the moments when you can bring him back down to earth feel tinged with sadness because you know by morning he will be gone again in his headspace, unable to see the good you two shared.
6. He says everything's 'great' but you can tell it's not
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One of the most tell-tale signs that something is off in your relationship is that when you notice he is sad or down, yet when you ask him if he is okay, he is suddenly ‘great,’ a sign that everything is the worst.
Turns out, this kind of shut‑down behavior (experts call it "expressive suppression" or even stonewalling) wrecks communication and leaves you feeling confused, lonely, and shut out.
7. He's let himself go and doesn't seem to care
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If the intimacy doesn’t go first, his body definitely will. In giving in to his vices and all that comes with it, chances are he will stop caring about himself in the way he did when he was trying to keep you around.
This doesn’t mean you love him less, but just that he doesn’t love himself and the relationship enough to keep himself evolving and appealing.
8. He starts fights over the most minor things
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No, he's not upset that you ate the last bit of Doritos or forgot to put your socks in your sock drawer — he's just finding any little reason that's tangible to walk out that door. Experts say when couples keep exploding over nonsense, it’s often because deeper needs aren’t being met; trivial fights are just a worn path to bigger relationship issues.
Plus, relationship guru John Gottman warns that this kind of petty arguing, peppered with criticism and shutting down, is a classic sign things are falling apart behind the scenes.
9. He doesn't talk about the future anymore
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No, he hasn’t forgotten about all the plans you two had to spend the holidays with your parents this year, or about that trip to Europe you always wanted to take. He stopped bringing up the future with you because he no longer sees one.
10. He's moody for no apparent reason
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If you can no longer tell whether something will set him off or bring him happiness, it is clear that he isn’t sure if you bring him happiness anymore. Research shows that having mood swings like that, with unpredictable emotional ups and downs between partners, isn’t just tiring, but also a strong sign that the relationship might be heading into some rough waters.
11. You can feel it in your gut
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This is the most significant indicator that something is wrong with the relationship and that he is ready to leave. Your heart knows better than anything else if he is still in love with you or not. Learn to listen to it and forgive yourself if you realize he doesn’t.
Shawn Binder is a copywriter, director, and producer. His work has been featured in Vice, Paper Magazine, Out, The Huffington Post, The Dieline, and more.
