Women With The Happiest Husbands Do 9 Things That Most People Don't Even Think About
How to make a subtle difference in how loved your husband feels.
Andrii Nekrasov | Canva You love your husband with all your heart and soul and want him to be happy, so you worry because he's stressed out, exhausted, edgy, distracted, and short-tempered. You can see he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, and hear the frustration in his voice.
Like most men, he takes a strong and silent approach to stress, but the more he sucks it up, the more unhappy he gets. Society teaches men not to show any weakness, not even to you. Now, stress is ruining his quality of life, and if left unchecked, it has the potential to be fatal. As shown by a 2017 study, "Stress can be either a triggering or aggravating factor for many diseases and pathological conditions." But there are ways to combat this.
Here are 9 things women with the happiest husbands do that most people don't even think about:
1. Recognize when he's unhappy
First, recognize the warning signs of chronic, dangerous stress levels. Here’s what to watch for:
- He constantly feels fatigued and irritable (for more than just a few days). You almost can’t remember a time in the last six months when he was energetic, relaxed, and truly enjoying himself.
- He has exaggerated reactions to even small annoyances.
- He’s forgetful and absent-minded. He can’t remember plans you’ve made, work appointments, or even simple things like picking up the milk you asked him to pick up on his way home.
- He’s unfocused, unmotivated, and lacks concentration.
- He can't sleep. He's an insomniac, restlessly tossing and turning in bed all night. Then, when the alarm goes off, he can’t get up.
- His libido drive took a nose dive. When you try to initiate, he won't (or can't) get into it.
- He’s in physical pain, complaining of aches and pains in his neck, lower back. He has recurring headaches or indigestion.
Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) explains how stress affects every part of the body and can significantly undermine the immune system. Any one of the above symptoms is a cause for concern. But two or more significantly increases his risk for flu, colds, and may lead to a heart attack, stroke, and even cancer.
Not to mention the toll stress takes on his mind, resulting in poor decision-making, irrational fears, and negative, aggressive behaviors.
2. Put love into his meals
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Provide healthy, nurturing food. Avoid overly heavy meals or sugary desserts, which negatively impact his already debilitated system. You might even make some delicious superfood smoothies as a power-packed treat. (If you need some free recipes, email me and put "smoothies" in the subject line.)
Don't monitor his food like you're his mother. Just quietly start preparing meals that help his body thrive during this stressful time.
3. Go for a daily after-dinner walk
Exercise is an excellent stress reliever, so join him to get out and do something fun and physical together. The stimulation helps him move stress and stuck energy out of his body so he can feel better.
If he resists at first, coax him into doing something physical without making it about exercise. Focus on spending time together, instead. Take his hand and say, "Babe, it's such a nice evening. Please go for a walk with me." Then, squeeze his arm while smiling at him. Just let the space feel easy and loving without any pressure.
4. Take a few items off his to-do list
Avoid putting unnecessary demands on him right now. Instead, encourage true relaxation and an early bedtime. Sleep deprivation contributes to heightened stress levels and an inability to cope.
Create a good sleep environment by making sure the bedroom is dark and comfortable, and by removing the TV and any other electronic distractions that interfere with quality sleep. Set an example by going to bed at an earlier time and invite him to join you.
5. Help him laugh and lighten up
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Find a funny movie you can both watch together. Laughter is a fantastic release.
In fact, at Stanford University, Dr. William F. Fry studied the positive effects of laughter on the body. He reports that 20 seconds of intense laughter can double the heart rate for three to five minutes. That's equal to three minutes of strenuous rowing exercise!
Laughter stimulates cardiovascular activity, so get him laughing. It's great for his health and your relationship.
6. Schedule quality time with mutual friends
Social interaction is important for stress management. Surrounding yourself with people who support positive behavior can go a long way in promoting the same in yourself, so any old friends won't do. Health and happiness require being with the right tribe.
Make a list of friends and family who contribute to uplifting his spirits, and then make a plan to spend time with those fun people. Help him step out of the grind and back into a circle of people who remind him what truly matters in life.
7. Share a soft touch
He needs some serious loving right now. Hug him, rub his neck, and massage his shoulders. Tender gestures reinforce intimacy in a relaxing, non-threatening way that also releases toxins to help him feel better.
Show him some emotional love, as well as physical. Tell him ways you appreciate him. Offer him a compliment or two. Feeling like your hard work matters to someone helps take the edge off.
8. Give him space
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This one probably feels counterintuitive, but allow him the opportunity to work through stress in his way. Of course, be available to seize the moment when he turns to you. Help redirect his energies in soothing ways. But also, just let him have time to himself if he needs it.
This will take some serious mindfulness on your part, not to feel abandoned or unloved by him during this time, so make sure to take time to replenish your energy! Stay calm and centered so you don’t inadvertently contribute to his nervousness. Be loving, understanding, and supportive without being intrusive.
Research from the APA showed that seeing their partner stressed and emotional only makes men more anxious and less supportive. Wait to see if he seeks your assistance. If he doesn’t, you can execute any or all of the other steps without him even knowing what you're doing.
9. Act like a wife, not a mother
Regularly check your ego and make sure you’re functioning from your heart so he doesn’t feel like you’re being bossy. He needs a wife who adores him, not a mother who hovers and fusses.
In other words, don’t pester him about what he needs. Be subtle and avoid fanfare, or you will contribute to his further withdrawal, and he’ll worry about you worrying.
If he’s not back to himself within a few weeks, you may need help. If he has acute hopelessness, depression, or recurring nightmares, consult a mental health practitioner, life coach, therapist, or spiritual guide for support. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has programs in almost every community, and many are free.
In the meantime, shower him with love, understanding, and patience. Your love has more power to heal him than you realize.
Peggy Sealfon is a personal development coach who spends her time helping people overcome life's big and small challenges.
