3 Ways To Keep Your Husband From Freaking Out When You Spend Money

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 Help Your Husband Stay Calm When You Spend Money
Love, Self

Money is power!

Can you remember a day when you didn’t have to pay for something? It’s almost impossible. You spend money every day. You have to.

Coffee, train fare, office party, gas, deal of the day, vending machine, field trip fees for the kids, haircut, lunch, parking fees, nails, birthday gift, upgrades, dog to the vet, oil change, groceries …

It’s never ending.

So how do you get your husband to stop freaking out when you spend money?

No matter how close you are in your marriage, or how great you are at communicating, money is a relationship land mine for most couples.  

If you and your honey keep squabbling about money, here's how to keep him from freaking out:

1. Explain your "Money Personality" — but don't apologize for it.

Arguments about money hurt as much as other fights. They feel intensely personal. We feel attacked and get defensive. Money fights result from our differing perspectives on money. In fact, we've found that every individual has two unique "money personalities," a primary and a secondary.

We've also found that most spouses marry someone with an opposite perspective on money. You watch how your partner makes decisions and you just don’t get it. Or they don’t get you. And that hurts!

When your husband criticizes your spending, it doesn’t feel like he’s just criticizing your actions; it feels like he's criticizing YOU. 

Through decades of research, we’ve uncovered that each individual has a unique "Money Personality." This approach is established in childhood and (sorry!) is about as easy to alter as your shoe size or your DNA.

So don’t sweat it! You are who you are. You enjoy spending and you always will.

Be honest with your spouse about how you personally think and feel about money. Let him peek behind the curtain to see that you’re acting in the best interests of the family and taking care of "life" when you spend.

If you want scientific back up, take our free, online Money Personality Assessment and present your spouse with the facts to help explain who you are when it comes to money.

2. Stand your ground (respectfully)

Remind your spouse of your commitment to your financial future, but kindly point out that his controlling tactics won’t work. Some husbands who fear spending like to:

  • Shove ironclad, no-wiggle-room budgets in their spouse’s face
  • Say "no" any and every time money comes up while
  • Use passive routes to demonstrate their disapproval of your desire to spend

Explain to your spouse that those behaviors (or insert their favorite control tactic here) only make you want to spend the money anyway AND start sneaking around to hide your spending. Plus the resentment you feel about his micro-managing makes you want to retaliate a bit by giving him he silent treatment, withholding sex, or pointing out all of his behaviors you hate. 

3. Agree on a spending plan

Spending is scary for spouses who naturally don't like to spend money. But it's helpful for him to realize that not all spending is over-spending.

You can both agree that over-spending ruins more than your budget. Over-spending wrecks your future, your kids’ future, and trust in your marriage. So, don't discount his approach to money management altogether. It's definitely worth your time to create some kind of spending plan together.

Admit it: you like the sound of that phrase, don’t you?

"Spending plan" sounds much better than "budget" any day. But we’re not just making it sound good — a spending plan is a real thing. It is a plan that anticipates all future purchases — short and long-term — and allows some latitude for a person who likes using money to do what they enjoy.

After all, the people who enjoy spending are often the best gift givers! And they are often the people who contribute the most to important causes that improve the good for all humanity. Your husband wants to keep spending under control, but he can best achieve that by giving you some money wiggle room to work with!

So together, craft a spending plan.

Build some freedom into the plan so you can spend when you feel it’s right, but also so your spouse is assured you won’t exceed the amount you’ve both discussed.

Offering some freedom while setting down some boundaries makes everybody a little happier, and goes a long way to ward off over-spending, dishonesty, and frustration. Communicating with our spouse about money isn't easy to do, but talking through a spending plan is a step in the right direction.

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To learn more about your Money Personality, grab a copy of The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language, or visit TheMoneyCouple.comAnd if you have kids, check out The 5 Money Conversations to Have with your Kids at Every Age and Stage. Scott & Bethany Palmer tackle the money issues in their relationship in Colorado with their two sons, Cole and Cade.