How to Score a Relationship Upgrade

Three practical tips for singles who want their next relationship to be an upgrade

If you've had problems in your love life time and time again, ask yourself if you are better off alone than repeatedly attracting the same “types” of people and relationships.
Being happy on your own is a beautiful thing! If you have a true inner glow, you are likely to catch the attention of other singles. Just make sure you attract the type of singles who are worthy of your time and affection. In other words, you are going to need a relationship upgrade. If you seek a partner who has some of the good traits of your last and lacks the bad, you’ll qualify!

As a fan posted on my Facebook page in response to my announcement that “Single Rachel” is officially back and in “a douchebage free zone”, it's better to be single and happy than attached and miserable. Amen to that! But how on earth can use your solo time to set things up for your upgrade?

If you’ve come to the realization that you keep dating the same person again and again—whether that actually be the same person or someone just like him or her—take the following actions now to make things better for when you are in your next relationship.

1. Figure out why you are attracted to this type.

This requires digging deep, and asking yourself questions about your views on gender and the opposite sex that came from your family of origin. It involves thinking about how the way you were raised and the relationship your parents had impacted your romantic choices. For example:
How has being a ________, raised in a ______ household in __________ during___________ impacted your attitude and behaviors with ________?

You may be able to come up with some life-changing insight through reflecting on your past relationships, journaling, and talking with friends/family or an objective professional.

2. Identify the deep-rooted beliefs you are carrying around about men and women and how they influence the way you date and relate.

For example, as Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You explains:

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending."
If you understand your beliefs and where they come from, it will become clearer why you are attracted to the people that you are.

3. Evaluate your “attraction template”.

So now you know some of the reasons why you’ve fell for who you’ve fell for and why you believe the things you believe. Are these types of people and beliefs serving you? Do they help you create the kind of relationship that will truly make you happy? Are you attracted to people who epitomize your core values and vision for the future or are the types you’ve dated far from what you actually want?

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