Dating With Integrity: How to Get What You Want In Your Love Life

How to become an expert on your own relationships by bringing some integrity into your love life

It seems like everyone is an expert on relationships these days!

Your mom, your dad, the woman in the nail salon, the guy who took a one-day class and is now marketing himself as a dating coach, and even the cast of Jersey Shore , all have something to say on the subject.

Now I’m not here to discredit others, nor am I here to frown upon “The Situation” for the cliché post-breakup advice that he gave to Ronnie, but I’d like to point out that sometimes you know what’s best for you. And, maybe there are a lot of lessons to be learned from Ronnie and Sammi getting back together again and again.

As human beings, we sometimes make mistakes and sometimes have incredible intuition. Sometimes we can be right to give it another try in even the most dramatic relationships--namely, if there is clear evidence of change. Other times we are totally wrong about staying together and really need a prescription for a breakup-even if it's the last thing we want in life. 

The key is knowing the difference before it is way too late. Successsful dating and relational experiences are about understanding when the choices you make speak to your core values and true identity and when you need an empathetic friend or objective professional to snap you back into reality. In other words, you'd benefit from finding a way to start dating with integrity!

Yes, there is a general understanding of what is right and wrong in any given culture or society, but the kind of integrity I’d like you to focus on is what is right for you within that code of decent human behavior.

Here are some tips to give your integrity a boost in the challenging world of modern day dating:

Decide what you want. Perhaps, you want to get married before 30. Really? Is this what you want or is it what society makes you think you want? Are you just getting lonely because you no longer have single friends to go out with? Worrying about the ticking biological clock everyone seems to be obsessed with?

Make the changes necessary to get what you want. Okay, so you really do want to get married in the next few years. You must focus on this like you would any other goal instead of sitting around and waiting for “The One” to find you. If you are dating inappropriate people—i.e. the ones you’d never consider marrying—or holding on to friends with benefits and exes, you are not dating with integrity. If you are holding on to these people, there is a reason for that, and you may not want to get married as soon as you think you do!

Refine your image so you can attract what you want. In this case, if you are marriage minded, you must present yourself to the world in a way that will increase the chances of attracting marriage.This can apply to your home. Some experts say to have two of everything--whether candles or toothbrushes--to promote a partnertships. Even more importanly, you must factor in your image.  (Ladies, if you want a man to take you seriously, you cannot be scantily clad 95 % of the time you are with him!)

My colleague, NYC image consultant, Julie Rath, suggests creating a signature look that can help people trust that you are who you say you are. “It’s important that your “outside” matches your “inside". When these things are working in harmony, then your visual identity is in synch, and I call that image integrity,” she says. I couldn't agree with Julie anymore about the power of image integrity and personal branding! The added bonus is that dating and dressing with integrity, is guaranteed to give your confidence a boost—and we all know that is attractive!

If you'd like to bring more integity into your love life, send an email to

If you haven't quite found the love of your life, get Rachel's complimentary gift "7 Steps To Creating An Image To Attract The Love Of Your Life" with your free subscription to her Labels & Love Newsletter at 

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