The Truth About The List...


Does making the proverbial LIST really set you on track to find a relationship?

Okay, we know you’ve heard it many times from all kinds of sources from your best friend, to Cosmo, to every dating coach out there: Make a List of What You Want.

It's true – creating a list is a crucial step in making the relationship of your dreams a reality, however, we are betting that many of you have made the list, and yet still do not have your ideal mate. Why doesn't this miracle list work?  Today, we’re going to clear up what you really need to focus on when creating the LIST so you can finally take that next step.  

What to Focus On
Making a list of external qualities can be helpful so that you know what you want, however, as far as creating what you want, this will not assist you. If you are stuck on the tall, dark-haired guy on your list you might miss a great guy standing right in front of you. Focusing on external qualities is focusing on the “how.”

When we focus on the “how,” we get stuck in the details. Acknowledging that you want a man over six feet tall doesn’t do much to help you in the creation of a true soul partnership. Being honest about the KIND OF MAN you desire, as in, he appreciates honesty, has a spiritual practice, enjoys a healthy lifestyle – now you are gaining ground on WHO he is at his core.

The way to get to who he is at his core is to focus on Values and Core Character Traits and Behavior. Does he treat you with respect? Is he good with money? (Just because a man has money doesn’t mean he’s good at managing it.) How does he feel about family? These are great questions to ask yourself to generate this list.

Never Too Picky
Go all out with your List. Put down EVERYTHING that you can imagine you desire. Yes, every thing! Your list cannot be too long, and there is no such thing as being too picky. Now if your list ends up with over 100 items, please go back to step one and delete anything that is an external quality (yes, that includes how much money he makes).

We know that you can have all that you desire. It is when we ask for less than what we really want that we find ourselves tempted by what we call the “Should Relationship.” Should relationships are when you are with someone because HE loves you so much, regardless of how you feel about him. You may find yourself asking, “When am I going to find a man who loves me like he does?” Love is not limited in this way. There is not a limit to the number of men available to you. The only limits are the ones you create.

Bringing in Your Beloved
Here’s the part that will set your creation into motion. With your complete List in front of you, sit down, focus, clear your mind, connect to Source (whatever that is for you), and go down your list. Look at each item one at a time and ask yourself, “On a scale of 1-10 how much do I hold/have this quality/value?” (Ten means you embody it completely.) Ask for guidance to be completely honest with yourself. The question is
asked and answered from your heart, not your head.

Take a deep breath! You are on your way to manifesting your Beloved!

Once you have given yourself a score for each item on your List. Review each item that you scored yourself 6 or lower. Ask yourself, “Do I want to cultivate this quality/value within myself? Or would I like to remove this item from my list?”

Your Beloved will mirror yourself back to you and in order to bring him/her in, it is imperative that you hold all the qualities and values you expect your Beloved to possess. It is also important that you get in touch with why certain values are important to you. Sometimes a desired value is on our list because it is in reaction to something negative that happened in a previous relationship.

Let Go of the Past
It is important to move on from that past hurt so that you are creating from a clear energetic space. Let go of the past and you will find yourself more free to create your true heart’s desire. And not just what you believe is available to you. The place to start
letting go of the past is through forgiveness.

Forgive yourself, forgive the other people who have betrayed, abandoned, and disappointed you. Discover what the lesson was for you to learn, be grateful to have that knowledge and experience and move on! When we are focused on past hurts and disappointments then we are choosing our current mate based on what we don’t want. Your last boyfriend cheated? You better make sure the next one is honest and faithful. This way of thinking will keep you stuck in that old pattern. Learn from the past, forgive and move on. Connecting with your Beloved is about what your heart truly desires.

Now you can start treating yourself the way you wish to be treated. If what you desire is respectful love, then you must be giving that love to yourself. Embrace all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and even the ugly. You must be willing to give yourself the same love and acceptance that you are looking for in your mate. When you embrace this then you become available for the love you most desire. This also means that you live our life the same way you would if you already had what you desired. So many people put off living fully until the right conditions are in place. An additional bonus is that living your life in this way will most likely put you in places where you will meet that person who shares your likes, interests, lifestyle, etc.

Be Committed to Your Growth
The next step is to be committed to your personal and spiritual growth. Whatever your spiritual path may be, commit to it fully. This is your path to wholeness. Only by becoming whole yourself will you attract another whole person. In relationship, water seeks its own level – if you want a true soul partner, do the work to move forward on your journey and you will surely meet your partner along the way.

Lastly, the key to manifesting the man on your List is: DO NOT SETTLE!

It is possible for you to have everything you want in relationship. If what you desire is a true soul partnership then the Law of Polarity says that you would not have the desire if it wasn’t possible for that desire to be fulfilled. Keep your eye on the prize! When you waste time with someone who is not what you truly desire, then you are telling the universe that you don’t really want a soul mate. You are telling the universe that you don’t deserve a soul mate. And you are cheating yourself and the man you are with.

Stop wasting time with good enough, and go for what is in your heart’s desire!

Sign Up for the YourTango Newsletter

Let's make this a regular thing!

For more insights on Bringing in Your Beloved join us and 21+ Top Experts in Love, Dating, Sex and Relationship on our no cost telesummit event the Love On Purpose Revoltuion. . . and make this your summer of Love!