How To Create The Open, Honest Relationship You've Always Wanted

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happy relationship

Think about your love and relationship goals. What do they look like? 

Maybe you picture that perfect, pure kind of love — where you know each others' deepest, darkest secrets, are there for one another unconditionally, and are both best friends and lovers. The type of love where you only have to glance at your partner to know what's on their mind. A love so strong you know you'll always have each other's backs — no matter what.

This kind of deep, authentic connection is possible. But if you want to create the happy and healthy relationship of your dreams, it takes the powerful combination of willingness and commitment.

In order to create a new experience in your relationship — the one you say you want — you first need to be willing.

You must be willing to look at your unconscious commitments; willing to drop those that interfere with your experience; and willing to shift your perspective and create new patterns of behavior that will bring you what you want.

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Once you are willing, then the commitment to execute is a vow you make with yourself. This commitment is what guides you when you are stuck in an old pattern and become aware of what you are doing. 

At that moment, you are at a choice point. You can choose to do what you always do, or you can choose to interrupt your old patterns, shift your perspective and take inspired, conscious action that is in alignment with the relationship you want.

Willingness and commitment go hand-in-hand and are essential to creating your ideal relationship.

At this point, you may believe you know what you want — an open and honest relationship. The question is: Are you truly willing to work toward achieving it?

This was one of the hardest things for me to fully grasp and embody as I worked (and still work) to be who I want to be in my marriage. It can really seem like wanting and willing are one in the same, yet they are not. You can really want something, but not be willing to do whatever it takes to attain or experience it.

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You can want something and stop short of willingness because you believe you do not know how to shift your perspective or how to identify limiting beliefs, never mind actually let them go.

Knowing how to create a deep and honest relationship is not the problem. If you are willing, you will be open to learning how.

One simple place to start is to look at an ongoing conflict you have with your partner. See if you can identify the things that you do to keep the conflict going. What is your pattern of behavior in regard to this conflict?

Then choose just one of those things that you do to fan the fire of conflict and stop it and choose to do something different. If you commit to this small change, other options will suddenly emerge and you will be on your way to building to open, honest relationship you've always wanted.

RELATED: 3 Emotions You Absolutely Must Feel If You Want Your Relationship To Last

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Michelle Thompson is a life coach specializing in personal and relationship transformation, who helps stuck individuals and couples improve their positive energy flow, reconnect with their inner selves and their partners, and embrace their capacity to love more fully. Sign up for a complimentary coaching session, and visit her website,, for more information.