Ay Yi Yi! Dating Lessons From Juan Pablo & His Favorite Ladies

Dating Tips From The Bachelor: Miami Edition

What can we learn about dating from watching a reality show? You'd be surprised. Spoilers ahead!

The Bachelor is a great opportunity to watch common dating scenarios and learn from other people's mistakes, mishaps and triumphs in love. Let's dish about some of the biggest moments — and dating lessons to be gleaned — from last night's episiode, featuring dates in Bachelor Juan Pablo's hometown of Miami, Florida. 

1. If it's not right, nothing will make it work ... even chemistry.

Sharleen has struggled all season long with her feelings about Juan Pablo. They make out a lot, and both agree they have great chemistry, but it's hard to see much else in common. This opera singer craves an intellectual equal, and opines that JP is lacking in that department. I was worried about her last night when she wished she were dumber. Can we say "Ay yi yi!"?

In the end, she did the right thing, choosing to leave rather than force a fit that's not there. "He doesn't have what I'm looking for in terms of forever", she finally realized. Juan Pablo took the high road in letting her off the hook easily, making a joke that his only regret is he didn't get to hear her sing more. Both shed a tear after the departure. They really did care about each other.

THE LESSON: We've all had a relationship where there was chemistry but not much else. So we all know chemistry is not enough to make someone soulmate-worthy, as was illustrated all too clearly in this case.

2. Always seek a connection instead of trying to impress your date.

Last week, we saw Kat leave. This dancer was always trying to impress Juan Pablo, showing off her moves and when they had alone time, she trotted out a very sad story about her childhood. Unfortunately, this was all about her, not about their connection, and it failed.

This week, Chelsie went the same way. Last week, she was explaining her tortured break-up, and this week she was pulling out cards people had written to her from home, reading them to Juan Pablo. To the camera, she lamented that she needed next week's hometown date, because he couldn't really know her if he didn't get a glimpse into her background. Shortly, she was sent packing. No hometown date for you, Chelsie!

THE LESSON: Your date does not care how impressive you are, or even want to hear all about you, all the time. Just being "you" will not make him fall in love — unless you're meant for each other. Your date wants to connect with you, and the best way to connect goes like this: You talk, they talk, you talk ... and so on. Monologues are the enemy here. Ask questions about your date, and don't make it all about you.

3. Being yourself works.

Andi has frequently had the jitters about Juan Pablo, becoming nervous about how he feels about her. But she's practiced Lesson #2 by connecting when they are together. And she was honest last night, crying to him about her trepidation. She was the only one who got an early rose last night, as she revealed her vulnerability with him. She didn't try to put on an act. She was just herself.

And Nikki, bless her heart, ended up in short shorts on a surprise date to Camila's dance recital. No doubt she wanted to crawl under the chairs when she realized she was not dressed for a family event, but she pulled it together. Nikki tapped into the part of her personality that's good with children and their families (she's a pediatric nurse) and was warm to Juan Pablo's small daughter, Camila, Camila's mom (JP's ex!) and Juan Pablo's parents. Of course, Nikki got a rose.

THE LESSON: It's OK to show vulnerability. Being yourself, even when faced with a less-than-ideal situation, works wonders, as illustrated in both of these cases.

Next week's hometown dates should be interesting. Don't you wonder what Andi’s meltdown is about? Let's meet here next week and dissect it!

Kathryn Alice is a dating expert who has helped thousands find love. Look for more of her "Dating Lessons from 'The Bachelor'" next week. And find out more about her work at www.kathrynalice.com

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