7 Signs You're Evolving Into The Most Authentic Version Of Yourself, According To Psychology
Life begins once you start living authentically for yourself.
Andrii Nekrasov | Canva I've never been single for long. I don't know if this is good or bad; I'd like to think that it just is like a banana is yellow. I love absolutely everything about being in a relationship; however, there have been times in my life when I was either a) single, or b) dating ferociously, and maybe even involved with someone, but unhappy because that person wasn't a good fit for me.
Eventually, after committing to mindfulness practice and learning about metaphysics — things like the law of attraction, detachment, and energy — I figured out the reason was that I was not an authentic version of myself. Once that clicked for me, I took some very necessary steps to get in tune with who I was as a person, which in turn attracted the type of people I was aligned with what I said I wanted.
Here are 7 signs you're evolving into the most authentic version of yourself, according to psychology:
1. You've taken responsibility for your choices
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Admit that you have a deep fear of love — subconsciously. According to Bruce Lipton, author of many popular books about how our thoughts and beliefs affect our life, such as The Biology of Belief, 95% of what we think is subconscious, while we are only aware, or conscious, of 5% of our thoughts.
On the surface, we may tell ourselves things like I'm ready for love! but subconsciously, we may believe that love = pain because we witnessed our parents engage in an unhealthy relationship. We have deep-rooted fears that affect us as we become adults, and we can't transmute them until we recognize that they exist.
Our thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions are affecting us — especially the ones we're unaware of.
2. You're untethered from past romantic partners
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Grievances from past relationships will block new partners from coming into our lives. We need to untether ourselves from our exes.
How do we do that? Two ways: 1) A cord-cutting meditation, in which we visualize a cord of light connecting us to our exes that we cut, and 2) We forgive them. We must forgive them for lying, cheating, being bossy, acting unkindly, and not living up to the scripts we wrote for them.
In forgiving them, we free them, and we untether ourselves. When we hold a grievance about someone, it bonds us to them.
3. You've stopped making excuses
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There are no good men. I'm too old. Everyone cheats. There's no one in this city. Romance is dead.
Stop it. Just stop it with your excuses. Spiritual maturity is about taking the reigns of your life. You're not a victim; you're an extension of the divine, and you are creating your reality with your thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions.
Choose your thoughts carefully. Affirm that love abounds. When your friend attracts a lovely partner, tell yourself that this is proof that love is possible.
Limitations and lack are an illusion. There's plenty of love to go around if your thoughts are in alignment.
Living authentically empowers individuals to recognize and confront limiting beliefs, leading to a transformative process that enhances self-esteem, resilience, and personal growth. Research shows that as individuals become more authentic, they are better equipped to challenge limiting beliefs, leading to further personal growth and a stronger sense of self.
4. You put yourself out there
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I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to meet someone while you're in your pajamas at home, watching reality television.
You need to go out. You need to join things. You need to learn something new. You need to go on first dates; maybe even a lot of them. Enjoy the process. Have fun. Buy some frilly dresses or snazzy ties and embrace the game of love. It's supposed to be fun.
5. You pay attention to how receptive you are to love
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The people you attract into your life mirror back your subconscious fears. Attracting emotionally reticent men? You're emotionally reticent.
Dating women who treat you terribly? You need to work on self-talk because you are unkind to yourself. If you're not finding a partner who is a good fit for you, it's a sign that you still have some energetic cleanup to do.
Open-mindedness, a related concept to authenticity, involves being receptive to new ideas and experiences, and can positively influence relationships by enhancing empathy and understanding of others. A 2021 study found that open-mindedness can facilitate the development of shared realities in conversations, which can serve as a catalyst for building stronger bonds.
6. You've figured out what you want
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You think you want tall dark and handsome, or rich and successful, or someone with a six-pack. You probably don't.
Your spirit probably wants honesty and authenticity, or someone who can communicate, or a person who will teach you how to trust. Don't be swayed by the list you've created in your mind of Mr. or Mrs. Perfect.
Your idea of perfection is keeping real love away. Real love is imperfect, messy, lumpy, and stinky — all rolled into one. It's beautiful.
7. You've visualized your future
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Close your eyes and imagine how your relationship feels. Imagine what it must feel like to have a true partner — someone with whom you can open up and share your innermost feelings, someone with whom you can laugh and unwind, someone who will elicit the best from you. See it, feel it, and let yourself feel grateful for it even before you attract that person into your life.
Research suggests that highly authentic individuals might be more open to accepting their partners for who they are, including their less favorable qualities, rather than idealizing them or attempting to compensate for perceived flaws. This can lead to a more realistic and grounded visualization of their future relationships, based on acceptance and understanding.
Attracting someone who is a perfect fit for you takes some time and energy. It takes opening up, shifting, and welcoming someone and something new into your life, but in the end, it's worth it, because the quickest way to learn about ourselves is through a partnership with another.
Jessie Leon is a freelance author whose work has been featured in YourTango, Elephant Journal, and Evie Magazine. She covers relationships, self-help, and lifestyle topics.
