11 Things You Need To Accept If You Want Your Relationship To Work
While no relationship is perfect, a long-lasting love is possible.
insta_photos | Shutterstock Being with someone you love and care about is one of the best feelings you can experience. It's normal to want to be loved and be with a person who makes you feel valued and appreciated. But there's a lot that often goes unsaid about being in a relationship, even in the best ones.
There are many things you need to accept if you want your relationship to work, aside from being with a person who respects and trusts you. Because being in a long-term relationship with the right person can be life-changing, it's important to understand the challenges that come with it.
Here are 11 things you need to accept if you want your relationship to work
1. You won't agree on everything
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Sometimes, people crave closure, but it doesn't always exist. You might want to resolve a disagreement or continually explain to your partner why you feel a certain way, but when all is said and done, you still may not agree on everything. In fact, there might be many things you don't agree on.
But it doesn't mean your relationship is meant to fail, it just means you each have different perspectives and life experiences, some of which may be shared beliefs, while in other ways you may not see eye to eye.
2. Social media isn't real life
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It's normal that we want to project our best selves on social media. It's normal to want to keep up with others and show that we have interesting lives. But, there is the other side of the coin. Social media photos, even when genuine, are a moment in time for that particular couple or family.
You don't see the disagreement or fight the couple may have had before that picture was taken. You don't see the struggle a couple may experience financially, health-wise, or in other ways. In fact, research published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that couples who are insecure in their relationships may post "more relationship-relevant" photos on their social media accounts.
When you look at a couple's social media and don't see something that mirrors your relationship, remember that each of us has something we have to handle in our life that may or may not be evident.
3. Arguing is normal
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No relationship is perfect. In fact, every relationship is imperfect. And because of this, every couple will have disagreements or arguments. It's normal. Someone who is in your life on a regular basis will have different emotions and ways of dealing with things versus the way that you do. And, as a result, there will be days when you get along well and days where you won't.
"Arguments can be an important way to communicate. When done constructively, arguing can help you better understand each other and any issues that may be coming between you... As a result, it can actually help both parties grow and even greatly strengthen the relationship," professor and health expert Dr. Bruce Y. Lee explained.
Arguing and disagreeing is normal as long as you do it respectfully and in a way that it doesn't cause long-term damage to your relationship. Being able to be respectful and deal with the issue without over-personalizing it is one of the things you need to accept if you want your relationship to work.
4. Your relationship will get boring at times
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Relationships go through many phases: the romantic phase, when things are exciting, new, and fun; but then there is the cooling off phase, where we get very comfortable with our partners. It's when you fall into predictable patterns and habits. And with predictability and stability, it's natural for things to cool off and become somewhat dull.
But when a relationship becomes boring, it signals that you and your partner are in a good place. As clinical psychologist Roxy Zarrabi explained, boredom in a relationship indicates it's healthy. Boring doesn't last forever, so continue to infuse some spontaneous activities and engagements with one another to keep things interesting.
5. Building a strong relationship takes effort and diligence
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Anything you build that is solid with someone else will take time and effort. But over time, it's easy to take your partner for granted. Being with one another on a daily basis, and adding in other dynamics of career and family, can create some challenges, even with the strongest couple.
But one of the important things you need to accept if you want your relationship to work is that, well... relationships require work. Build up your relationship daily with goodwill and good deeds toward your partner. It's much tougher for a relationship with a strong foundation to falter versus one with a weak one.
6. Only focus on your own relationship
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Each couple has their own dynamics. What works for one couple could be the downfall of another. Oftentimes, couples can get in this competitive space by talking about what they do with and for one another, comparing themselves to other couples and trying to duplicate their relationship.
Unfortunately, according to a study published in Computers in Human Behavior, couples who compare themselves to others create competition and insecurity in their relationships, along with creating lower relationship satisfaction. A couple that is truly happy with one another realizes that they have to do what works for the two of them, and that their relationship is its own.
7. You may find someone else attractive
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This is a tricky truth that may make some couples fearful that they're headed for a breakup. But even if you love and adore your partner, it doesn't mean all of your senses are turned off for someone else who could be compatible or attractive to you.
But this is where you draw the line: have self-awareness about the situation. Don't put yourself in a scenario where you are vulnerable to the person. We're human and there may be urges where we like someone, but having respect for your partner, yourself, and your relationship will help you fight against this temptation.
8. Vulnerability takes your relationship to a different level
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When you love someone and they love you, they are willing to love all parts of you. Every part of you may not be pretty, but part of vulnerability and acceptance is being able to look past the not-so-pretty aspects of someone and focus on all of the good things they have to offer. And this is why vulnerability is crucial, making it one of the things you need to accept if you want your relationship to work.
As licensed clinical social worker Terry Gaspard explained, "Vulnerability fosters deeper connections, promotes open communication, and encourages self-acceptance. A 2019 study found that it leads to increased intimacy and a more authentic expression of self within the relationship."
9. It's not just about you
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Strong relationships recognize the value of operating as one unit. They don't just see themselves in the equation. When you make a decision, you think about how it impacts both of you. When you plan, you think about how it benefits or can affect both parties.
A couple who has this mindset will be more successful, balanced, and happy. Couples who plan and make decisions together are ultimately important to one another.
10. Your energy will shift
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At the beginning of a relationship, when things are new and exciting, intimacy can be intense. But as your relationship grows, your love life will change, too. It's not that you aren't attracted to your partner or that you desire them less, it's just with everything you have to balance, intimacy may take a back seat.
When you feel this coming on, take time to emotionally reconnect with your partner. As relationship counselors Linda and Charlie Bloom suggest, "Taking time to honor the intimacy component of your partnership can become habit-forming, which is why regularly planning romantic things to do as a couple can help you keep the romance alive, no matter how long you've been together."
11. Your partner will annoy you sometimes
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Yes, all of that stuff you thought was cute that they initially did to and for you, might be the things that literally unnerve you. It's kind of like the relationship you have with your siblings and family: you love them always. But it doesn't mean you are immune from them getting on your last nerves.
The same principle applies to your relationship. While your partner may have some habits that are annoying, when you get too annoyed, try to refocus back on those things that make you appreciate them. Annoyance is normal but often short-lived, especially if you don't dwell on these feelings.
Elizabeth Overstreet is an author, speaker, and relationship strategist and coach. She's the podcast host of Bedtalks, and she has been featured on ABC, CBS, NBC, The New York Times, Thought Catalog, and many others.
