The Real Reason He Hasn't Proposed Yet — And What You Can Do About It

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How To Talk About Marriage & Commitment With Your Boyfriend (& Get Him To Propose)

You've been dating your boyfriend for a while now, and you feel more than ready to have the talk about marriage and commitment. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be taking the hint, and you're at a loss, growing more and more frustrated while wondering how to get him to propose.

Family expectations and social norms often dictate the way the perfect proposal should unfold, as if there is only one right way. Thus, many women still believe it's a lady’s inevitable fate to wait apprehensively for her beloved to drop down on one knee and pop the question — as if she can’t tell her partner what she wants.

But wait … Can she?

Of course, she can! In fact, it’s up to her to do so.

RELATED: When & How To Have 'The Talk' About Marriage With Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend

Let’s say that she wants him to take the initiative when in comes to proposing, if only for the sake of honoring tradition. But she knows he hadn't gone about the process of getting her family and friends' approval. What’s holding him back?

Well, I’m just going to say it, and please forgive me for being so blunt ...

There’s something in you that’s holding him back, and it’s one of two things — he's either not the one, or your relationship isn't ready.

Once you identify which one it is, one of two things will happen. He will either propose or make you available for somebody who will be truly be yours.

If you're itching to get engaged and he's not asking or even talking about marriage, it's time to explore what’s really going on in your relationship so you can turn things around.

According to Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding about ourselves.”

It’s a psychological fact that, in a relationship, we bounce off each other’s mental patterns.

This means that your partner, who’s annoying you by not proposing, is reflecting back your own insecurities about relationships and marriage.

And you do the same for him — activating his fears about family life and exposing his commitment issues. So it’s only natural that, for a while, you and he point fingers, blaming each other for the way you feel.

But once you realize that the victim-blame game doesn't’t work and take responsibility for addressing your own insecurities, things begin to shift.

Here’s what you can do right now to free yourself from the detrimental mentality preventing you from getting engaged.

Settle back in your chair or couch and think about him not proposing. What does it feel like? You might have various emotions come up: hopelessness, frustration, overwhelm, anger, or feeling out of control, like you can’t have what you want.

It might feel like you’re doing something wrong, or that something is wrong with you. Or you may feel like you don’t have a say in your life, or that you don’t deserve to have your needs met — as if you’re unworthy.

RELATED: How To Get A Man To Make A True Commitment

In your mind, see how a negative emotional cluster is forming a solid boulder, blocking your path down the aisle.

Now, take a deep breath and flip things around. Think of him proposing. Feel for any inner contradictions by asking yourself, "What does it mean for me to be married?"

Do you see marriage as a loss of freedom? Or perhaps marriage triggers fears of abandonment or domestic abuse, like what you witnessed between your parents when you were little?

See these fears forming into another solid obstacle on your path. Let your mind guide you through this experience and trust the process. There is no judgment — your honesty swings the door open to healing.

Now ask yourself, "Are there any more negative mental statements showing up as blockages on my path?"

Check in with yourself. Is there any jealousy or resentment toward those who are happily married? Like, "How come that dreadful coworker got engaged last week and not me? What is so wrong with me and so right with her?"

The answer, of course, is nothing. The only difference between you and her is that she doesn't have the same mental blockages in regard to married life or men as you do. It’s really good that these feelings are coming up, because now you can deal with your upset.

Now you're identifying your core feelings, which means they will disappear. Literally. Since your subconscious mind believes everything you imagine, in your mind’s eye, see those boulders of your negative mental programming becoming weightless balloons, immediately lifting off your path.

You have the power to imagine anything you want. You are in control of how you use your mind.

See those balloons floating higher and higher, until they completely disappear into the vastness above. Notice how much lighter you feel already, as if the heavy weight of your unconscious fears have lifted off your shoulders, freeing you to move forward on the path to the altar.

And now, there you are, standing next to your partner, glowing, happier than ever, looking forward to your happy life together through the years to come.

You might even want to glance down at your left finger — there’s a lovely ring on it — just the one you wanted! When you see it and believe it, then it happens soon!

So now, it’s up to you to play this game of pretend, often and unconditionally, regardless of your current engagement status.

Most importantly, you’ve got to imagine yourself into feeling it’s already done. This is how you program your inner mind into believing that who you are in life is a happily married woman.

And since we live in a universe of cause and effect, what happens next is that life has to match your desire — uncontaminated by your old mental blockages. And so, it must be so. There you are, happy, having fun with your life-long partner!

In response to your inner resolve, your current boyfriend will either drop to one knee, hands shaking as he opens a velvet box … or move on, freeing space for the one who will honor you with his presence.

In any case, it’s a win-win for all parties involved, and it begins right now — the second you decide to take control by clearing the path to your future of old, emotional blockages.

I admire you for this decision! It takes courage and maturity to accept responsibility for the way things occur in your life. Oh, and congratulations on your fast-approaching engagement!

RELATED: 5 Secrets Women Use To Get Men To Propose

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Katherine Agranovich, Ph.D., is a medical hypnotherapist, holistic consultant, and author of Tales of My Large, Loud, Spiritual Family. As the founder of the Achieve Health Center, she helps men and women attain mental-emotional alignment and close the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

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