Transforming the Disappointments of Marriage


What were your expectations?

For many people the reality that their marriage isn’t the romantic fantasy “happily ever after” that they expected it to be, creates lasting disappointment.

What follows disappointment is often bitterness and resentment, as people become jaded about their relationship. It keeps them stuck and unwilling to do much about it because they often believe that what they originally wanted, just isn’t possible any more.

And unfortunately traditional couples counseling hasn’t been close to the cureall resolution most people had hoped.

Whatever your dream was, unmet expectations often became a common theme.

This is what I often hear:

  • “I’m not in love with them anymore.” 
  • “I don’t feel appreciated.”
  • “They aren’t there for me.”
  • “I’m not their priority.”
  • “I walk on egg shells around them.”
  • We don’t have any intimacy. “
  • ‘I can’t be myself with them.”

If you are honest, has your partner disappointed you in some way?

If so, you had expectations that they failed to deliver on.  And most of those expectations were completely unknown to your partner.  In fact, had you actually spoken about them with your partner, they would have created an immediate loss of connection, and negative feelings. 

To give you an example, lets’ turn the above 7 items into an actual conversation (demand):

  • “I expect you to love me unconditionally no matter what I do.”
  • “I expect you to appreciate me, and show and tell me in different ways that you appreciate me.”
  • “I expect you to be there for me whenever I need you, in the moment I need you.”
  • “I expect to be your first priority, always.”
  • “I expect you to deeply listen to me and what I have to say, even if it’s about something you need to change about yourself.”
  • “I expect you to make me feel loved, understood, and deeply connected to you. Oh, and by the way, rock my world.”
  • “I expect you to accept me totally for who I am, no matter what I do or say.” 

You can easily see that this conversation isn’t going to go very well is it?  Yet these are the types of things that we have in our heads.  They are part of our belief systems about feeling loved.

What does your partner have to do in order for you to feel loved and connected to them?

Most people have an unrealistic, long list of things that turns into unmet expectations. You could take 5 minutes and write out your list to see if it’s supportive to a happy marriage. 

If you want to begin to transform your relationship, you must get rid of your expectations. 

Be willing to let go of past hurts, bitterness, resentments, and disappointments and you create an opening for a new relationship to blossom.

Be the one to initiate repair of the connection in your relationship, by demonstrating daily that you value and appreciate your partner, and you will elevate the connection between you.

It’s a place to start, and YOU could be the catalyst for the transformation of your own marriage.

If you want more helpful ways to create a happy marriage, read The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, it’s full of ideas that you can use right away.

If you are ready to fast track your marriage transformation by getting my guidance, send an email to jeff@peakresultscoaching.com and we will talk about what will be the most effective way to shift your unique situation.

What you fail to consider about the future of your relationship, might be just the thing that causes it to fail. 

Remember, our relationships always reflect what we do, and fail to do.