11 Phrases People Usually Say Right Before They Ghost You
People who ghost never say goodbye, they just disappear.
bedya | Shutterstock Ghosting is a phenomenon that has become more common over the years in relationships, where people prefer to disappear from others' lives rather than face them directly. This could stem from fear, guilt, or indifference towards their relationship with the individual being left. Knowing what to look out for can help you determine whether someone is about to ghost you or not, based on what they say.
It might sound like a vague excuse, but in reality, it is foreshadowing what their next move will be. Whether it's a romantic interest or a long-time friend, you can tell if they are about to disappear based on their final statement towards you. Gaining insight into a person's mindset when you feel like they're about to ghost can help you not only get over it but also give you closure as to why they did it.
Here are 11 phrases people usually say right before they ghost you:
1. 'I've just been really busy lately'
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Telling someone you're busy when you don't want to talk to them means you'll likely ghost them sooner or later. It's a way of distancing yourself without fully going into phantom mode yet. They may be going through personal issues, but that has nothing to do with the person that they tend to ghost.
If you're the person on the receiving end of this type of message, then consider yourself lucky that you no longer have to deal with someone who won't give you closure or resolve the conflict. People with a high need for closure suffer more deeply when ghosted, often making them feel less belonging, control, and self-esteem. One thing to remember is that if someone doesn't want to be in your life, it is not a reflection on you but on them. By staying there longer than they should have, they are just prolonging your healing journey.
2. 'Let's catch up soon'
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There's a familiar pattern in conversations before someone suddenly ghosts another person. They often make promises of seeing you in the future, but they never fulfill them. This glimmer of hope makes you think that not only do they want to see you in the future, but they want a closer relationship than they are leading on.
Rarely do the two of you ever catch up as soon as possible, and instead, they leave you in silence for months or even years. Sometimes people say things but mean the opposite. Someone who says they can't wait to see you again might never want to see you. The best thing to do in this situation is to walk away like they never existed and let the ghost rest in peace.
3. 'I'll let you know'
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Telling someone that you will let them know when they can see you again is the most ambiguous phrase you can use. This vague promise keeps things open-ended, giving the illusion of future contact without any real intention behind it. It's not always malicious; sometimes it's just a way to avoid conflict.
Letting you know at a later date is disrespectful to your time and energy. Even when life gets in the way and people forget to check in with each other, they still manage to stay in contact. This is because they see value in the relationship, while a person who says this does not. In certain situations, it can be that they actually don't know what their next move is going to be, but they should directly state that instead of leaving ambiguity in the conversation.
4. 'Things are kind of hectic right now'
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In romantic relationships, telling someone that your life is too hectic at the moment is a common way to end the talking stage or even ghost someone. Life is busy, and everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, but when this phrase comes out of nowhere, especially after a period of consistent interaction, it can be considered a red flag. It gives one person an easy way out without having to clarify their intentions towards the other person they are dating.
Despite its prevalence, many people find ghosting to be an unacceptable way to end a relationship. It's easy to ghost someone out of nowhere, and even easier to do it when you feel someone isn't acting right. Yet, people who ghost will try to justify their behaviors as self-preservation of their mental health without actually thinking about the feelings of the other person whom they ghosted.
5. 'I'm just not in the right headspace'
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Easing your way out of a relationship or friendship becomes easier when you tell someone that you're not in the right headspace to be around at the moment. It's not a nice way to let people down, but it is common. Without getting too personal, people will say this phrase to you, but never actually go into detail about what they're going through.
Try asking them next time they say this and watch them get defensive. Not because they're trying to protect their privacy, but because they already have one foot out the door with you. When someone is about to ghost, this line becomes a polite exit strategy rather than a genuine explanation.
6. 'Let me get back to you on that'
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Everyone who has ever worked for Corporate America is aware of this line that is often used by higher-ups when you ask them a critical question. Over time, that question never gets answered, and they never get back to you. Manager ghosting leads to decreased morale, higher turnover rates, and reduced productivity.
Many workers find it difficult to do their jobs when their managers procrastinate providing assistance. If something requires approval, the manager is the only one who can complete the task, but instead, they delay it. This means that the employee now has to work on other things while still keeping an eye on the file or task that needs approval.
7. 'I'm the worst at texting'
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People put effort into things that they truly want, so if they make a comment stating that they're bad at texting, then they aren't that invested in the relationship or friendship. This means that they are one text away from ghosting you. Even if they are terrible at texting, it tends to be used as an excuse not to text you back promptly.
Sooner or later, you will get frustrated with their lack of initiative in the texting department and confront them on it. This ends with them either admitting that they don't like texting you or they ghost you to avoid the disagreement. Ghosting stings, but knowing the signs and when to quit speaking to someone can help shield you from hurt in the long run.
8. 'You deserve someone who really has time for you'
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Ghosting is an indirect breakup strategy, often leaving those who are on the receiving end in emotional limbo, which later leads to self-doubt. So, when someone tells you that you deserve someone who has time for you, before ghosting you, they are actually being as kind as possible. They're admitting that they can't continue to pretend that things are okay between the two of you.
This can feel like a gut-punch, especially when you thought that things were going so well. It's easy to internalize what they are saying and start asking yourself what you did wrong, but it's more about conflict avoidance. Some people are terrified of conflicting with someone or losing access to them permanently, so they will try to soften the blow of rejection to keep you along for the ride.
9. 'I don't want to lead you on'
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Sometimes people will ghost others as a way to avoid facing them and ending the relationship directly. Those who tell you directly that they don't want to lead you on and then ghost you were trying to be nice. Ghosting was not at the top of their priorities because they knew it would hurt you, so they instead told you the hard truth.
Around 62% of singles said they prefer honest breakups over ghosting, though 55% admitted they ghost because they want to avoid confrontation. We can't have our cake and eat it too when it comes to other people's feelings or lives. If you become a ghost, then you need to stay that way out of respect for the other person. Let them move on in peace instead of torturing them by sticking around.
10. 'I'll hit you up when I'm free'
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The informal tone of hitting someone up whenever you're free might seem normal and casual, but it's not. Even if someone is truly busy, many of them forget that you even wanted to talk to them. This phrase shows plans for the future and a desire to connect without actually setting a date.
People often say this when they're not ready to be direct and honest. Whether it's losing interest or simply being unsure of how to end the interaction, it becomes a way out of a conversation. If you've heard it and never heard from them again, then don't take it personally. It says more about their communication style than your worth.
11. 'I'll talk to you later'
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The most common misconception about ghosting is that it will occur one time and be permanent, but not all ghosting situations are like this. Just because someone ghosts you doesn't mean that they stop talking to you forever. Friends and family often accidentally ghost each other.
One moment you tell your cousin that you will talk to her later, and then you completely forget to do it. Next thing you know, it's been months since the two of you last spoke. It's when ghosting is deliberately and permanently done that people take offense. To them, it's hard to understand how you can build a relationship with someone for years, only to suddenly disappear and move on with your life as if it were easy.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
