Beads & Breasts: Mardi Gras In The Toad Kingdom


Looking to find love during Mardi Gras in New Orleans? Avoid the 'Toads' and look elsewhere!

New Orleans is ready to run amok! Cities and towns across the country are gearing up to celebrate right along with the Cajuns in themed parties and parades. The Toad Kingdom is in a state of frenzy. What is the cause? Beads and breasts! You may not know it but for decades, one of the rather crudest parts of the annual fest is the baring of breasts. Women, usually in an alcoholic stupor, lift their shirts, showing off their assets for the precious reward of a cheap set of made in China plastic beads.

If you are single and looking, there is no better example of the sliminess of the Toad Kingdom than Mardi Gras. Much like “Girls Gone Wild”, this annual tradition is now captured on cell phone video cameras and women can be forever memorialized in YouTube postings that may haunt them for years. Safety First: 3 Places You BETTER Keep Your Guard Up On A First Date

Both Frogs and Toads can barely contain themselves with the idea of drunken women opening their blouses for the promised beads. After all, every man appreciates the naked breast regardless of if they are straight, gay or in between. Let’s face it, the female body is stunning. You can’t expect the Frogs to shield their eyes when a gorgeous lady “earns” her beads.

 If you are new to the idea of viewing the online dating community as the 'Toad Kingdom', I explain it fully in my upcoming book, The Art of Toad Kissing, but for now here’s what you need to know. Frogs are men with class, Toads just want a piece of ass. While you can’t blame these poor guys for their antics, (even the most gentlemanly of southern gentlemen will strain for a free peek at perky young boobies) you will be relieved to know that the Frogs’ motives are very different from the Toads. The Secret To Successful Online Dating

The truth is, Frogs are looking for women they can take home to meet their mothers and while they may steal a peek, it is highly unlikely that your Prince Charming in the making would overlook your drunken indiscretion and see you as a mate. In all of the excitement, single women in the 'Toad Kingdom' of online dating risk being tempted by the hordes of cheering Toads dangling shabby but shiny plastic beads in a frenzy of desire. Why is this important? Online Dating In The Toad Kingdom

The number one concern that my clients harp on is their safety in the online dating world. “How do I know I can trust him?” “There are just creeps and weirdos out there.” Ladies you do not want to have anything unsavory online. Remember, quality men know how to use Google and guess what, some of them think that only skanks use online dating. You don’t want to give them any ammo with a careless double standard.

Remember, I have kissed more than my fair share of Toads and I am here to tell you that you can spot a toad from a mile away if you know what to look for. Here are some tips:

  • Tattoo in your brain: In the Toad Kingdom, Frogs may turn into your Prince, but Toads are just warty and gross. Stay alert. If you drink, drink with a buddy who can remind you to keep your shirt on.
  • The dreaded Toad will buy you shot after shot and be drooling at the silhouette of your breasts under that silk chemise hoping for a peek later on. The toads will show all of the interest you’ve ever dreamed of a man showing in you. The Toad will make you feel like the most fascinating women in the room as long as he thinks you will lift your shirt for him later.
  • This Toad may even ask for your phone number or to continue your evening somewhere alone. This invitation is driven by your cup size and the amount of bounce in your boobs not in the fact that you have a wonderful mind and a scintillating personality.
  • How would a Frog act? Frogs tend to watch from the periphery. They know there are enough foolish women who will play this game without their encouragement. They will hold their beers, point, poke fun and yes maybe even take photos with their cell phone, but it is unlikely a Prince Charming in Frog clothing would incite the nakedness himself. 5 Ways To Recognize Your Prince Charming
  • Frogs will enjoy the boob baring with a blush. Who can blame them? Some will probably be secretly grateful to their Toad brothers for making the magic happen, but a Frog worth his salt will never steal more than a glance.

Truth is, Mardi Gras is not the night to look for love. Not in New Orleans, not in Green Bay, WI or anywhere! Now, I am not suggesting you skip the party. On the contrary, it is a great chance to see and study Toads in action. Focus on how the men are acting. See if you can spot men who are not slobbering over the silliness.

Ladies, everyone is guilty of misguided decisions at times and I know some will fall. Expecting tipsy women to keep their tops on would be as naive as believing the frogs would carry blindfolds to avoid a couple of 38 Ds staring them in the face. Whatever you decide, just know the motives of the men who buy you a drink when you go out to party, stick to a two drink maximum and don’t do anything you’d regret going viral on YouTube this season. Getting Over 4 Excuses To Post A Great Picture Online

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Wish you had a mouth watering online dating profile? You can! Check out my newest Ebook:  How To Toad-Proof Your Online Dating Profile