Post-Divorce Advice NOBODY Should Ever Listen To (Because It's Bad)

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Love, Self

Tune this out.

One piece of advice almost everyone going through divorce hears is "You've got to create a budget." Although this is extremely practical advice, it sucks.

You've just ended your marriage. You might have just moved. You might not have your kids all the time. You might be looking for a job. And, oh yeah, you feel like CRAP! Yet now you're supposed to figure out how to put more restrictions on yourself and create a budget?!

Yeah, it just sucks as far as advice goes.

What you really need is a spending plan. A spending plan is all about you taking responsibility for how you choose to spend or not to spend your money.

OK, so you might think this is just a case of puh-tay-toh puh-tah-toh, the word budget has a negative connotation for most people. And who needs more negativity as they're putting their lives back on track after a divorce? No one I can think of.

Divorce is tough. You deserve to take care of yourself in every way possible. And, yes, this does include the words you use.

Words are incredibly powerful and can completely color your experience. For example, would you rather have a really uncomfortable meeting with someone you've just met or go on a first date?

Both descriptions are of the same event, but one sounds horrible and one exciting.

Try it for yourself. What's something you say to yourself that always makes you feel bad? Now, how can you change that into something more encouraging, or powerful, or even just nicer?

If you're having a hard time with this idea, it's okay. I did too, and I learned to use kinder words

Language is important. It can make advice completely worthless. It can also make the same advice inspiring and incredibly valuable. So, would you rather create a budget or a spending plan?

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Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce coach and advisor. You can join her anonymous newsletter group for free advice or email her at for a free consultation. 

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.