Four Ways to Keep Passion Alive - All At Once


How do we maintain passion throughout our relationship? Here is a top way to cover all bases.

The honeymoon's over. How do we maintain passion throughout our relationship, whether three months in, or 30 years? We have our work, our studies, our hobbies, our exercise regimen, and many couples have children. In short, we're busy. And then there's that ever-present layer of smartphones and tablets – we're constantly on call on the one hand, and always a hair breadth away from entertainment on the other. It's a wonder we even talk to our partners these days!

And yet we continually need connection with our significant other. We don't want it to fade – we want, and need, the intimacy. Deep down we know that's what it's all about.
Longing for intimacy is one of the major themes for which people come to me for assistance.

Over the years, in helping couples achieve more intimacy, I've highlighted four key areas that oil the engine of passion in a relationship. I've listed them here, followed by one way to achieve them in one fell swoop.

Top Four Ways To Maintain Passion In Your Relationship

1) Novelty. You've probably seen a few lists of "creative things to do on a date".  Spice it up, they say. Think out of the box. Getting us out of routine is beneficial because it's a change of pace and provides excellent conversation triggers. All in all, doing something different creates a special kind of bonding because it's a unique experience which only the two of you share alone.

2) Fun. Enjoyment, amusement – those are the definitions of fun. There are so many serious topics to discuss as couples – emotionally, financially, logistically. Taking time out just for pure fun serves as a rejuvenating force and provides a needed balance to the more serious aspects of our lives.

3) Relaxation.  How much closer can we feel when we're not stressed out? We want a partner with whom we can wind down, feel comfortable, and let go of the pressures of daily life. We connect more honestly when we're relaxed together.

4) Vulnerability.  Everyone knows that a relationship only becomes deeper when both partners make themselves vulnerable to each other. But what many couples don't realize is that this is true for the entire lifespan of the relationship. Continually taking risks by opening ourselves up with our partners is one of the best ways to maintain a secure, long-lasting relationship.

How to Get All of the Above At Once

And the answer is….(drum roll, please): Couples massage. Yes, this activity is novel, fun, undoubtedly relaxing, and provides a forum where one must let go, be vulnerable to touch and be touched.  The vulnerability aspect also comes into play because we get to tell our partners what we like, and what we don't, opening up more avenues for mutual care and respect.

Couples massage can be tandem, done simultaneously with two massage practitioners, or with one practitioner who oscillates between you and your partner. Likewise, both partners can learn techniques for use privately as a couple.  There are also countless couples massage videos online to get acquainted with techniques. No matter which ways you engage in couples massage, its means of connection is real, sensual, and effective. Don't wait for your anniversary or Valentine's Day – making couples massage a regular part of your relationship can allow you both to literally touch upon a renewed closeness.

To learn more about Dr. Clark, and the work that she does, please visit, follow her on Twitter @DrAliciaClark, or like her on Facebook at AliciaHClarkPsyD.