Relationships 101: What do Men Want? Part 1


It's time for men to realize they need more than sex, comfort and companionship from a woman.

The psychologist Sigmund Freud famously asked, "What do women want?" He asked the question, but never found an answer. I happen to know the answer to that question, which I'll tell you about in the next blog. But I think it's time we asked men, "What do men want?" When I asked my male friends what men want from a relationship, they were unanimous. Men want sex, comfort and companionship. I asked them a few times if there was anything else, but they said no. That's about it.

This makes me wonder if men care to have a more free and equal relationship with women. While for most of history, women's freedoms have been curtailed, men have always wanted their own freedom — to have sex, to be comfortable and to have someone fun to spend time with. And it seems these desires don't change much with age or through the ages. Wow, that sounds like a teenager's dream!

The idea that a relationship is meant for your comfort, your sex and your company doesn't really get to the juice of what a loving and deep relationship between two equals can be. Hopefully, these three original needs were met by your Mom. Healthy mothers give unconditional love and nourishment to our newborns, learning to make them feel comfortable outside the womb. Moms spend time playing with our babies and kids for fun and to teach them about the world. Mothers are our first companions. And mom washed us up and massaged and kissed our tender baby skin and made us feel good. Isn't that one of the great pleasures of sex?

When we feel deprived of those basic needs, we want to repeat them as often as possible, but it never seems to satisfy, either in person or through porn.   We humans are deep creatures. We are here on Earth to realize we are spiritual beings having a physical experience. We have the capacity for love and intimacy, yet so many of us don't bother to stretch and learn those relationship skills. We miss out on what we really desire.

Men have been trained for millennium to ignore their feelings. Instead of settling for pleasurable sensations, you men can deepen your sex life and expand your soul life by listening to what you're feeling — rather than pushing it away. Making love and being intimate is all about sharing feelings as well as bodily fluids. And making love is so much better than having sex.

Before you can share your feelings with another person, you have to know what you are feeling. This can be hard on men, but if women can learn to be as rational, organized and driven to conquer the world as men, I know men have the ability to learn to be open and caring in relationships.  

Come back for Part 2 of What Do Men Want?