Relationships 101: What Do Men Want? Part 2


It isn't enough to just want the basics out of a relationship. it's time to grow up and want more.

Sex, comfort and companionship are basic human needs.  But they are only the basics. By focusing our desire solely on the physical sensations of sex, we miss out on the soulful dimensions of making love.  

Shared pleasure and love take us beyond physical sensations.  When you kiss your lover’s body, you can share your emotions through touch and breath and through response and awakening desire. The more your passion flows through you, the more it ignites your partner’s passion which then flows back to you.  And it quickly opens up your heart. 

Comfort is good too.  When we’re young and vulnerable, we want that comfort.  It makes us feel safe.  As we grow, though, being too comfortable can make us lazy, undisciplined and ignorant.  Being too comfortable narrows your life. Being lazy is unattractive! Without discipline, we can’t restrain ourselves from indulging. Being ignorant isn’t an excuse any longer. Fortunately, when we get too comfortable, life comes along and disrupts our comfort, making us want and do things that aren’t in our comfort zone.

Too often, relationships stagnate because one or both partners feel stuck, and neither partner knows how to change. That’s where companionship comes in. While our partners/ companions through life bring us joy, love and comfort, they are also in our lives to show us our shadows, spark our awareness and expand our horizons.  Too often when the fun goes out of a relationship, men won’t listen to their partner’s complaints.  They project their own shadows onto them instead of being open to a loved one’s opinion. It takes a good man to love your partner enough to listen and learn to see yourself with your partner’s eyes.  Relationships offer us comfort and pleasure as well as partnership tests that bring us growth, wholeness and union.  It is the mixture of life’s pleasures and pains that add to spice to our lives. 

What women today expect out of relationships is true partnership.  If men want this too, then they have to do their inner work and get to know themselves and what they’re willing to do to be in a great relationship, going beyond the need for physical stimulation to explore emotional and spiritual needs.   A great relationship satisfies our body, mind and spirit.

Now I’m going to encourage men to discover three different needs.

  1. The need to know yourself.
  2. The need to be strong.
  3. The need to protect those you love.

In my next blog, I’ll talk about these three new needs men can cultivate if they really want to create a loving relationship.